By: Turd Ferguson VENICE, FLORIDA – On Tuesday, Sarasota County police picked up a cryptic, handwritten note near the entrance of the T. Mabry Carlton Jr. Memorial Reserve. The note was signed by Brian Laundrie – former fiancé and alleged killer of the slain Gabby Petito, an Instagram travel blogger....
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NASHVILLE, TN: Reporting from the Commons, sources close to your roommate confirmed that he’s in a play or some shit this Friday night. “We’re not entirely sure what exactly is going on Friday night, but it seems like this guy’s been going to rehearsals or something for weeks now,” an...
COMMONS BRIDGE — Manifesting, a tried and tested science, once again has failed the speedier students of Vanderbilt University. Hot off the success of the Gillette students imagining better water pressure in their showers moments before disaster and getting more than they asked for, other Vandy students have come face...
BREAKING: Vanderbilt officials have just reported their administration’s bold new step in reducing the reported number of COVID cases. In what many would call a drastic change, Vanderbilt is planning to eliminate the student body. “98% of the rise in COVID cases in recent months has been attributed to the...
By Turd Ferguson PORT SAID, EGYPT – On March 23rd, the Ever Given ran aground in the Suez Canal, completely blocking one of the world’s most vital trade routes and setting back some supply chains as much as nine months. Critics have placed blame on officials in both the International...
