REPORT: Roommate has a Play or Some Shit


NASHVILLE, TN: Reporting from the Commons, sources close to your roommate confirmed that he’s in a play or some shit this Friday night.

“We’re not entirely sure what exactly is going on Friday night, but it seems like this guy’s been going to rehearsals or something for weeks now,” an unnamed source close to the theatre department or some dance group said. 

Reports went on to confirm that your roommate was singing, or maybe it was dancing or reciting lines, in your room when you got home a couple weeks ago. Reports remain vague, given that you only speak to your roommate when blackout drunk and screaming at him to “Shut the fuck up, Ryan.” Despite the two of you not speaking for a week after the trash can incident, sources confirmed that “it’d be a really nice gesture” but it’s “totally not a big deal” if you can’t come. According to the poster on your roommate’s wall, the show dates for The Storm and the Butterfly include this Friday night at 8p.m., or maybe 7p.m. on Thursday. At press time, your roommate was heard casually asking you what you were doing on Friday night and if you were free.

  • October 20, 2021