On Tuesday, January 22nd, the color blue (D – MS Paint) announced its candidacy in the 2020 presidential election, tweeting the slogan, “Blue is the New Black” followed by over 200 American flag emojis. The announcement touched the hearts of people who identify as blue all across the country and...
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Along with unpaid workers and pissed off civilians, the government shutdown brought closures to hundreds of America’s favorite pastimes: museums. One unfortunate museum-goer passed out in the Hall of North American Insects and awoke to find himself alone, only to be discovered 35 days later. Security guards entered the museum...
Investigative reporters for The Slant have uncovered a memo from Chief of Police Steve Anderson, addressed to the entire Nashville Metro Police Department. It reads: Colleagues, My daughter recently informed me that we are in the midst of what the youth call “cuffing season.” In the spirit of the season,...
Big news for Vanderbilt Basketball as four star recruit Scottie Pippen Jr. announced his commitment to the Commodores. Scottie Pippen Jr. is a 6-foot-1 point guard from California and is best known for being the brother of Sophia Pippen, the Season 1 sensation from ABC’s Dancing With The Stars: Juniors....
Ogallala, Nebraska: In what the Ogallala Police Department called the worst crime scene ever witnessed, three were killed early Monday morning as Nebraskans everywhere rushed to get the best Cyber Monday deals. People were lined up hours before stores opened, hoping to catch a steal-o’-deal on a Blu-ray DVD Player....