New Superman is… bi-bise-bionicles? Kissing Boys??!!


By Connor Pattinson

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s LGBTQI representation in American pop culture! The new Superman, Jon Kent, son of the OG Clark Kent and his baby momma Lois Lane, came out as bisexual. This new hunk has been announced to be starting a relationship with another male character. 

At long last, all the Batman//Superman fan fiction in the Slant’s writing room finally has some level of validity, which is a relief to know it is just as valid now as it is steamy. Some degenerates prefer Jon Kent and Robin, but the general consensus is that any smut involving those two lacks the narrative drive that has kept Batman readers engaged since 1939, as those characters are new and simply do not have the same homoerotic undertones that have been persisting since the early 1940s between our beloved SuperBat slash fiction. 

The recent coming out has split the comic book community far more than it should have. Some people are happy to see a shift from the rugged, traditional masculinity embodied in the classic Clark Kent Superman for the past 80 years. Now we can focus on a more encompassing and diverse interpretation of such a beloved, famous superhero that can inspire a new audience, one criminally underrepresented in the comic industry. 

On another note, why would bigots argue that Superman shouldn’t kiss boys? Are they concerned that their homoerotic fan art will be outdone by professional illustrators? Is it because they are worried that their 4XL shirt with a superman logo will be flying high next to a rainbow flag at Pride Festivals across the US?  What would they do if female comic fans (yes, they exist) were able to fetishize same sex comic relationships the same way they themselves oggle Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy?  

Superman can punch a planet into a million pieces and melt brains with his eyeballs, but yeah, how dare he kiss another man. Obviously there is no chance of rippling muscles and skin tight clothing maybe not being as strictly heterosexual as some comic fans want it to be. 

People are concerned over the messages that could be ingrained in people’s minds over a Superman who is attracted to men, messages that might include compassion, inclusion or, god forbid, diversity and representation in pop culture. 

Unfortunately, this does give Lex Luthor a whole new array of slurs to call Jon Kent in the midst of battle that will undoubtedly get him canceled faster than a speeding bullet. 

The hope was that Krypton, Superman’s home planet, would have been open to same-sex relationships. Krypton has refused to comment to The Slant on the new Superman’s sexuality or status, due in part to the fact that it is fictional and also because it blew up and everyone on the planet died. 

This new Superman will be a proud defender of truth, justice, and representation of LGBTQI identity in pop culture for years to come, or at least until all the homophobic comic fans start claiming, “Superman is ruined by the liberal agenda” and talking about “this is why Marvel is outselling DC in the box office.”

  • November 24, 2021