By Sam Belcher *Disclaimer: The story, all names, characters and incidents portrayed in this article are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings and products is intended or should be inferred. *Unrelated: cats have always been my favorite animals From climate change to the opioid crisis,...
By Thomas Robertson NASHVILLE, TN — Last Tuesday, Blackstone CEO Nevil von Doofenshmirtz closed a deal that bought the home of a single mother of seven children. The family was left to live on the street, which Doofenshmirtz sees as a “powerful exercise” that will “strengthen” the seven children as...
Dear Kirkland Protesters, My name is Carol Pinkett, and I am concerned about the recent “sit-ins” on Kirkland Lawn. Firstly, let me make clear, I am a liberal. My parents voted for Obama, twice. I cheated on my conservative boyfriend, Dylan, as an act of accountability. I am super down...
By Jeneta Nwosu Like any academic validation addict, I was an ambitious child. My plan was simple: get my degree, get my money up and get the hell out of Dodge. Dodge being my parents’ house, not the proverbial city in Kansas. Then everything changed. The scales fell from my...
By Alex Tomack In addition to running campaign ads that feel 70 years late, independent candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has been trying to demonstrate that he’s fit for the presidency in the most literal sense — by doing pushups. 9, to be exact. How is this surprisingly average amount...
