I Just Got Rejected From All 8 Business Fraternities on Campus. Now What?

By: Paige Harris

I can’t believe that none of the pre-professional fraternities on campus wanted me in their new pledge class. Don’t they know my dad owns the largest hedge fund in our zip code and he’s giving me an internship this summer? It doesn’t get more “pre-professional” than that.

My daddy always said, “Good things come to those who hurry up and make them happen.” So, in the spirit of entrepreneurship and nepotism—the twin pillars of success—my buddies and I have decided to take matters into our own manicured hands. We’re proud to announce the founding of Vanderbilt’s newest and most exclusive pre-professional fraternity: Beta Rho Omega (BRO).

BRO isn’t just any fraternity. It’s a fraternity for real men who are interested in making a difference. And by “making a difference,” we mean leveraging our dad’s LinkedIn connections and trust funds to corner the market on success. BRO is for all of you out there who’ve been unfairly judged for using a little “family help” to climb the corporate ladder. We know it’s not easy out here for the privileged. BRO is here to tell you: you’re not alone.

Our fraternity’s mission is simple: to uplift men who’ve faced adversity, like being called “spoiled” or having to pretend their dad’s friend isn’t on the hiring committee. With our motto, “Better Men, Better Lives, Better World,” we aim to embolden our brothers to become powerful, like-minded individuals who will one day own 80% of America’s golf courses.

Here’s what BRO stands for:

• Banker’s Hours: Because why work 40 hours a week when you can work 20 and call it “networking”?
• Relationships: As in, the one you have with your dad’s alma mater and the one your roommate’s dad has with the board of Goldman Sachs.
• Opportunities: Specifically, the kind that comes with a last name that’s already on the building.

We’ll be hosting our first info session, followed immediately by round-robin interviews, on September 31 from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. in the Owen Business School. Dress code is business professional, with a minimum outfit cost of $2,500 (need not apply if unable to meet this criterion).

In addition to the info session, here’s a sneak peek at our upcoming Spring 2025 programming:

• Private Jet Etiquette 101: Learn the do’s and don’ts of flying private. Spoiler: no one uses the tiny bathroom.
• Excel for Emergencies: Master the three formulas you’ll actually use before you delegate the rest to your unpaid intern.
• Frat-Corp Synergy Retreat: A weekend of trust falls, portfolio reviews, and power moves in Aspen.

Applications are open exclusively to aspiring finance bros, and our pledge process is rigorous. You’ll need to demonstrate key competencies like name-dropping an Ivy League school, discussing the market with vague confidence, and pretending to care about philanthropy.

So, if you’re tired of being misunderstood and excluded by lesser fraternities, BRO is the place for you. Join us, and together, we’ll make Vanderbilt—and the world—a better place for people who look great in corporate Patagonia vests.