Perfecting Your Study Break
By Connie Su
NASHVILLE, TN—Vanderbilt University breeds some of the most driven young adults across the American landscape. Purple-speckled wheat in the Great Plains and the starry-eyed canyons dabbling Arizona get Vandy football reels on their feed too. Students vomit at the idea of being unable to achieve academic and professional excellence, they and would rather found an AI-based startup than give gifts to their friends on their birthdays. A new report released by MRB Coke Lab revealed that Vanderbilt students are cracking the ceiling of workload and are desperate to find certain oasis—all while still feeding into their prestige-oriented goals. Here is a quick guide to perfecting your Vanderbilt study break:
- Pet one of the 500 dogs on campus.
Student Daphney Telephone cites, “This campus loves to bring out a dog when shit gets bad.” They operate as true campus stabilizers—institution-sponsored dogs clip-farm around campus as they are continuously bred in the basement of Wilson. Give a warm welcome to Officer Jack, Officer Mack, and Officer Crack.
- Go on a natural resources road trip.
As Vanderbilt junior Grover Cleavage immerses himself in the sights, smells, and insurmountable beauty of the rolling hills and jagged peaks of the American South, he digs his hands a little deeper into his linen-polyester blend pants pockets. Gotta make room for that fat check from the shale-mining lobbyists. Oh, and make some more room in there for the oil rig territories that the government seize under eminent domain will yield (preferably, it is land previously in use by an underprivileged neighborhood).
- Meditate in the Rice Rice Baby line at Rothschild Dining.
The line is sleekly designed to deliver its patrons food in two effortlessly limitless, 45-minute waiting periods. You will find yourself firmly at rest as you find yourself lolling to the soothing rumble of two woks cooking the dinners of 28 people in a timely manner.
While this list is non-exhaustive, revel in its ability to relieve your exhaustion. Go ‘Dores!
