It’s a terrible feeling: you come up with the most fun, creative, silly and topical Halloween costume idea only to have some stupid liberal snowflake tell you that it’s racist. “It’s not okay to dress up as a cop right now,” they whine. “Take off that turban, you idiot. It’s...
Oops, it turns out you drew the short straw in life. That’s right, you’re a woman. First of all, I’m sorry. We women have it rough. As if it wasn’t bad enough that we bleed from our ass cracks monthly, are forced to endure the pain of childbirth, and are...
Welp, somebody fucked up and now all of my friends are in quarantine, which I guess means that for the time being I have to find a way to not be lonely. Thank god some bees just moved into my room. I’ll admit that at first I wasn’t thrilled with...
By now, we’ve all heard that we’ll be returning to campus this fall, but with social distancing restrictions out the wazoo. Perhaps you lost your shit when you learned that you’ll have to schedule your meals a day in advance with only a 15-minute timeframe to pick up dinner, or...
First of all, I need to apologize. Neither of us thought we’d be in this position—but alas, here we are. Here I sit, at home in my queen-size bed with freshly cleaned sheets (thanks mom. God knows the last time I washed my sheets at school), while you’re about to...
