How to Make Friends With the Bees in Your Room Now That All of Your Friends Are in Quarantine


Welp, somebody fucked up and now all of my friends are in quarantine, which I guess means that for the time being I have to find a way to not be lonely. Thank god some bees just moved into my room.

I’ll admit that at first I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of bees building a nest in my room. However, after three days of intense peace negotiations, a ceasefire was reached. They stopped stinging me, and I stopped pouring canned water into their nest.

I’m currently in the process of training the bees. The nest’s queen died after she and I performed a mating ritual, and since then I have taken her place as leader. Hopefully by the end of the semester I’ll have a fully weaponized horde of bees. That is the goal. I’ve formed deep personal relationships with some of the worker bees, and they are my brothers now.

I don’t plan on going back to my human friends, the bees are my kin. I’m not very good at licking pollen out of flowers yet, but I’m getting better. The bees can’t talk as well as my roommates could, but at least they know better than to go to an off campus party.

  • September 23, 2020