The recent campus eviction has left many Vanderbilt students confused. However, the administration is now “asking” students to return to Vanderbilt, as the coronavirus is feeling rather lonely on campus. Its only friends remain at the Wesley apartments where it resides often. Mr. COVID-19 described his March visit as friendly...
Life
Ever since I was little I’ve cared about two things. The first: my loving parents. The second: that rat-fuck who goes by the name Chuck E. Cheese. I remember the moment my life changed forever. I was seven, it was my birthday, and I was spending it at Charles’ humble...
It’s a Friday night, and your friends want to go to a real party. Apparently to them, a BYX party is not a real party. Tired of only being offered La Croixs and Capri Suns, they tell you that there’s a party at Delt. You belligerently agree to go because...
Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, and if you are single you’re probably already painfully aware of this fact. While you may have already given up on the prospect of finding a date in time for this cursèd holiday, I am here to bring you hope. As supported by my uninterrupted...
Every year, the Commons House Presidents hold a secretive gathering where they deliberate on themes for the yearly Commons Ball. (This year, the theme is First Contact because why not aliens.) As the most anticipated event of the year, Commons Ball preparation meetings tend to be top-secret. But this year,...
