Anthony ‘The Mooch’ Scaramucci Fired After Stealing One Too Many Fries


Washington D.C.–Amid turmoil in the Trump administration, The White House announced today that newly appointed Communications Director Anthony ‘The Mooch’ Scaramucci has been removed from his position for stealing one too many of the President’s french fries.

Scaramucci seemed to be fitting in perfectly with the Trump administration. Recently, he threatened to tell the entire Communications department “you’re fired,” in order to stop government leaks. He even imitated the president’s example of publicly insulting a close co-worker, accusing then-Chief of Staff Reince Priebus of leaking government intel to the press and matching the presidential tone set by Trump when he described his Attorney General and colleague as “beleaguered.”

But Scaramucci — affectionately, ‘The Mooch’ to friends and family — took things too far when be began to live up to his nickname.

“The President was okay with ‘The Mooch’ announcing plans to fire a Communications aide through a Politico interview, and he was more than understanding when ‘The Mooch’ told the New Yorker that Steve Bannon was ‘trying to suck his own cock,’” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement Monday afternoon. “That’s simply a political outsider refusing to play by the Washington rulebook.

“But where President Trump draws the line,” Sanders continued, “is when somebody doesn’t order anything at KFC, and then proceeds to steal upwards of three french fries from his best friend’s chicken bucket. It’s simply unprofessional.”

According to some sources, Scaramucci may still be named to a different position within The White House. However, several unnamed White House aides believe ‘The Mooch’ will follow fellow Communications alumnus Sean Spicer, and will next be seen dancing the cha-cha on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars.

  • August 1, 2017