Top 10 Things to Do if Trump is Elected

  1. Download a high profile dating app for Secret Service agents

  2. Find a Secret Service agent on said app

  3. Seduce said Secret Service agent

  4. Woo him by buying him treats

  5. Learn the ins and outs of White House security

  6. Order tiny hands on Amazon

  7. Infiltrate White House

  8. Hypnotize President

  9. Convince Trump to dance with tiny hands

  10. Threaten to post video of him dancing unless he gives you ownership of all of the Trump Towers

  • November 8, 2016