Masochist STEM Major Orgasms During Midterm


Gully Hender, a known masochist Commodore majoring in neuroscience on a premed track, had been up studying for three consecutives nights in preparation for his biochemistry exam. In order to stay focused, he drank a total of nine Bang Energys and took 100 milligrams of unprescribed Adderall. With shaking hands, dark circles under his eyes and a budding erection, Hender walked into class and began his exam. 

About half-way through, while approaching a particularly difficult question about catabolic enzymes, the unthinkable happened. In the middle of attempting to discern what type of reaction the enzyme was, Hender felt intense shivers trickling down his spine; his shaking hand couldn’t hold onto his pen, which went tumbling to the ground. 

He had never felt so dominated by an exam before. A warm deluge of blood surged down to his pelvis, a throbbing brick erupted in his jeans. To the shock of his peers and his professor, Hender’s neck craned, his head fell back in his chair, his sandaled toes curled in on themselves, his quivering mouth let out a guttural noise. 

“I heard a weird moan from Gully during the exam,” said Barry Mulk, Hender’s closest confidant and SNU brother. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d guess he nutted during it,” laughed Mulk, unaware of how right he was.

Humiliated, Hender sprinted out of the class, leaving half of his exam blank. He has since reportedly changed his major to HOD. 

  • November 2, 2022