For this latest edition of Around the Loop, the Slant Staff interviewed folks about their V-day plans. Sam, 18, virgin — HAHA we’re just fucking with you. We’d never ask a virgin what they’re doing on Valentine’s Day. That’s so sad. We care about our readers, and wouldn’t dream of subjecting you to that. Lisa, […]
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Nine Valentine’s Day Date Ideas
Use your Commodore Card to treat your significant other to any of the fine restaurants available to you via Taste of Nashville. Nama is expensive, don’t use REAL money! Picket outside of Zeppos’s office for fairer dining worker wages. Seize the heart of your sweetheart by seizing the means of production. Make some ASMR videos […]
#Tank4Zion
What was supposed to be an exciting and successful year has become one of the ugliest displays of basketball in Vanderbilt history. 11 straight losses, 0-10 in conference play, just 9 wins on the season, one 5 star recruit lost to injury, a different underperforming 5 star recruit, and a partridge in a pear tree. […]
The Color Blue (D – MS Paint) Announces Presidential Run
On Tuesday, January 22nd, the color blue (D – MS Paint) announced its candidacy in the 2020 presidential election, tweeting the slogan, “Blue is the New Black” followed by over 200 American flag emojis. The announcement touched the hearts of people who identify as blue all across the country and around the world. From the […]
New Study Finds Employees Tired of Wiping Their Asses with Sandpaper
Google has paved the way in employee perks, prioritizing fun work environments that help employees succeed, complete with free food, cooking classes, nap pods, and laundry service. Companies like Yahoo, Buzzfeed, and Deloitte have quickly followed suit, whether that means offering free coffee, paid maternity and paternity leave, or just spaces where employees can decompress […]
Man Trapped in Museum for 35 Days Due to Government Shutdown
Along with unpaid workers and pissed off civilians, the government shutdown brought closures to hundreds of America’s favorite pastimes: museums. One unfortunate museum-goer passed out in the Hall of North American Insects and awoke to find himself alone, only to be discovered 35 days later. Security guards entered the museum early Monday morning following the […]
Petition to get Chancellor Zeppos Verified on Twitter
Hey @jack. When you’re done microdosing ecstasy at your weird Silicon Valley sex parties, we’re gonna need you here. Our chancellor and known cheap sunglasses wearer Nick Zeppos is currently unverified on Twitter and that is not OK. Zeppos is a fucking influencer. You ever hear of the Zeppos Lifestyle? It’s where you get paid […]
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#Tank4Zion
What was supposed to be an exciting and successful year has become one of the ugliest displays of basketball in Vanderbilt history. 11 straight losses, 0-10 in conference play, just 9 wins on the season, one 5 star recruit lost to injury, a different underperforming 5 star recruit, and a partridge in a pear tree. […]
Retrospective First Semester Horoscopes
The first semester of the 2018-2019 school year ended about four weeks ago. That means your horoscope can actually be somewhat accurate now! Aquarius – The stars aligned last semester so that every Bird you rented caused one child in Africa to die. You already knew that, though, didn’t you? Pisces – Have you ever […]
My boyfriend didn’t know girls had urethras, so I peed on him during sex as a teaching moment
It was a Friday night. My boyfriend and I had just finished a bottle of rosé and an especially stimulating episode of Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, and were feeling snacky (the perfect mixture of hungry and horny). So, naturally, he suggested that he eat me out. “One sec, I gotta pee first,” I said, […]
10 Facts About Vanderbilt that the Tour Guides Don’t Want You to Know
1. There’s a guy inside of Mr. C. It’s true! Inside our beloved mascot is just a dude who controls the body. Presumably he’s a student or someone else affiliated with Vandy. Maybe he’s just some random guy. Who knows? 2. We don’t actually have that many squirrels; it’s just three or four of them […]
Scissors: We will never know how they work, but thank the lord they do
I had a piece of paper. I needed to cut it in two. I know what you’re thinking, civilization simply hasn’t created technology sophisticated enough to handle this problem. Sure, we have virtual reality porn; however, as a society, we have to create our technologies with some priorities. But how in the hell am I […]
How A Vandy Student/Yankee Fan Should Cope With David Price Winning the World Series
I know this article is very niche and won’t pertain to many of you, but I am going to talk to a very small, underrepresented demographic on campus: the New York based Vanderbilt students. These are tough times we’re living in. The Red Sox won the World Series, the city of Boston is having another […]