By Tucker Ballantyne Welp, somebody fucked up and now all of my friends are in quarantine, which I guess means that for the time being I have to find a way to not be lonely. Thank god some bees just moved into my room. I’ll admit that at first I wasn’t thrilled with the idea […]
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Recent Posts
Breaking News: Vandy Discovers Vaccine, Won’t Release It Till Rest of SEC Says “Uncle”
By James Blair Vanderbilt University’s research labs have discovered a vaccine for the novel coronavirus strand, potentially signaling the end of the pandemic in America. News media began singing Vanderbilt’s praise and bipartisan support rose, with Mitch McConnell close to passing a “Let’s Not be so Awful Because of Vanderbilt” bill through Congress. Nationwide celebrations […]
U.S. elections has me dreaming of Nancy Pelosi in Stilettos
By John Dough The way you wear those pant suits. Your fresh, fashionable haircut. The way you command congress floor like a well-spoken, sexy diablo from the 8th district of California—God, how I wish I was the 8th district of California so you could rule benevolently over me and pass legislation that pleases the electorate […]
Scientists Attribute Recent Breakthrough in Eradicating COVID-19 to Roundabouts and Up-Only Staircases
By Miles Borowsky Recent studies from the CDC demonstrate that universities, on average, have seen a 96 percent drop in COVID cases after placing stickers in front of doors featuring instructions such as “Exit Only,” “Stand Here,” or “Do Not Step Foot Inside This Building Without a Mask or You Will Get Sniped.” Vanderbilt has […]
Fall 2020 Restrictions Vanderbilt Hasn’t Released Yet
By Miles Borowsky By now, we’ve all heard that we’ll be returning to campus this fall, but with social distancing restrictions out the wazoo. Perhaps you lost your shit when you learned that you’ll have to schedule your meals a day in advance with only a 15-minute timeframe to pick up dinner, or maybe you […]
Where did our housing refunds go?
By Kyle Kowalski The recent release of Vanderbilt’s student refunds left many students confused as to how Vanderbilt calculated the payment. With the majority of students no longer on campus, questions remain as to where the administration’s surplus funds went. A recent Hustler “article” highlighted the discrepancy between the refunds Vanderbilt offered and the “pro […]
A Letter to the UPS Employee Packing Up My Dorm
By Miles Borowsky First of all, I need to apologize. Neither of us thought we’d be in this position—but alas, here we are. Here I sit, at home in my queen-size bed with freshly cleaned sheets (thanks mom. God knows the last time I washed my sheets at school), while you’re about to face quite […]
Features
OGL Kicks off SEC After Mistaking It for New Fraternity
By Kyle Kowalski The Vanderbilt Men’s Basketball season came to an unanticipated close last week after a sudden decision by the Office of Greek Life. In a confusing mix-up with Vanderbilt athletics, OGL decided to kick off the SEC because it “sounded like a fraternity we don’t want on campus,” according to the benevolent ruler […]
LEAKED: 10 Commons Ball Themes That Didn’t Make the Cut (You Won’t BELIEVE #4!)
By Taylor Lomax Every year, the Commons House Presidents hold a secretive gathering where they deliberate on themes for the yearly Commons Ball. (This year, the theme is First Contact because why not aliens.) As the most anticipated event of the year, Commons Ball preparation meetings tend to be top-secret. But this year, one of […]
Throwback to the Time Mr. C Punched a Kid in the Face
It was 2011; a simpler time in society. Back then, we didn’t know that punching students in the face was wrong. We just did it and didn’t think twice. Well, that all changed on the night of February 24th, when Mr. Commodore whacked this kid right in the fucking nose. Take a look. So a […]
9 Things We Found in the Stevenson Steam Tunnels
In 2005, Vanderbilt Magazine published an article detailing the steam tunnels that run throughout campus, especially underneath Stevenson. While their article was informative, it was also boring as hell. So, we here at The Slant decided to reinvestigate, roughly 15 years later, to see what we would find. Did we break some rules? Yes. Did […]
Alumni Shadows: A Day in the Life of a Vanderbilt Philosophy Alum
Last week in our featured Alumni series, we caught up with a former Vanderbilt finance student who now works as a Wall Street broker, Julian van der Money. This week, we follow Chad Bradwick, a recent philosophy graduate, through a day in his exciting post-grad life. Chad now lives roughly twenty minutes from downtown Chicago. […]
Featured Org of the Week: WOKE VU
WOKE VU (White Organization that Knows Everything @ Vanderbilt University) Do you care about recent political issues, such as BLM, LGBTQ discrimination, mass incarceration, and violence against women? Are you just a white, cisgender man who’s looking for a place to engage in enlightening conversation? Specifically, are you a brother of ZBT, DTD, or a […]