By Rachel Haselkorn Thanksgiving season is a wonderful time of year. The weather is nice, everything is great and everyone is happy. And then, you hear it: “I still would like to see Barack Obama’s birth certificate.” Your neo-nazi grandpa, who just won’t seem to die, has returned to irritate everyone and be a public […]
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Recent Posts
Which Makes You A Bigger Asshole: Screaming “On Your Left” While Scootering Past Someone, Or Saying Nothing At All?
By Amy Rieth The low hum of a scooter engine gets louder and louder, a sound that almost outweighs the sound of your heart beating in your ears. A bead of sweat inches down your neck and your hands start to shake. You slowly turn your head, preparing yourself for a sight you’ve seen a […]
New Residential Colleges to Not Have Full Kitchen, HVAC
By A Student Who Fears Not Getting Good Housing for Publishing This Along with the announcement regarding the new name for Residential College A, Vanderbilt University has announced that future residential colleges will be constructed without functioning HVAC systems. “We’re excited for this change,” said an administrator in the FutureVU office. “We believe that not […]
Uh Oh, That White Guy Just Said, “To Play Devil’s Advocate…” What The Fuck Is He Going To Say Next?
By Chris Loveland The Students of SOC-2100 were all dumbfounded by what one student—Chad Baker—said during a heated class discussion today. Baker, typically known for “piggybacking” off of other student’s comments, constantly taking an “economical” approach to every topic, and really bringing absolutely nothing to the table, left class today in hot water. One student […]
Trump Administration Places Background Checks on Gum Purchases After 3 Choking Deaths Reported in the Last Twenty Years
By Zak Stengel The news comes after an unprecedented visit from Baron Trump to the White House to actually see his parents for the first time since Childish Gambino came out with his “This is America” music video. Insiders say that he claimed feeling “unsafe” in school due to tweens using and loading up on […]
Junior Whom I Met at the Tailgate, Shall I Compare Thee to a Mid-Semester’s White Claw?
By John Dough Junior whom I met at the tailgateI thought thy bore resemblance to an angelic being Standing benevolently in an ocean of inebriated socialites And sorority girls who claim they never had a “hoe phase” in high school Thine infinite, empyrean beautyDoth truly make me feel flustered, enamored, and completeBut it wasn’t until you […]
Branscomb Resident Tests Positive for Bubonic Plague
By Mikayla Hernandez–Guevara An unnamed Lupton 3 resident has recently tested positive for the Black Plague, campus officials released in a shocking statement on Monday. The student in question is currently admitted in VUMC, undergoing rigorous bloodletting treatments and daily urine baths. No word has been released as to the effectiveness of the treatments, but […]
Features
9 Things We Found in the Stevenson Steam Tunnels
In 2005, Vanderbilt Magazine published an article detailing the steam tunnels that run throughout campus, especially underneath Stevenson. While their article was informative, it was also boring as hell. So, we here at The Slant decided to reinvestigate, roughly 15 years later, to see what we would find. Did we break some rules? Yes. Did […]
Alumni Shadows: A Day in the Life of a Vanderbilt Philosophy Alum
Last week in our featured Alumni series, we caught up with a former Vanderbilt finance student who now works as a Wall Street broker, Julian van der Money. This week, we follow Chad Bradwick, a recent philosophy graduate, through a day in his exciting post-grad life. Chad now lives roughly twenty minutes from downtown Chicago. […]
Featured Org of the Week: WOKE VU
WOKE VU (White Organization that Knows Everything @ Vanderbilt University) Do you care about recent political issues, such as BLM, LGBTQ discrimination, mass incarceration, and violence against women? Are you just a white, cisgender man who’s looking for a place to engage in enlightening conversation? Specifically, are you a brother of ZBT, DTD, or a […]
Vanderbilt’s Top 9 World Records
With top-ranked financial aid, and America’s Slap-Happiest Students™, Vanderbilt is no slouch when it comes to record-breaking. Here are some of the most impressive records held by our university and its students: Longest Continuous Cry in Front of Esteemed Research Professor 2 hours and 13 minutes, just long enough to take up all of Stephen […]
Valentines Around the Loop
For this latest edition of Around the Loop, the Slant Staff interviewed folks about their V-day plans. Sam, 18, virgin — HAHA we’re just fucking with you. We’d never ask a virgin what they’re doing on Valentine’s Day. That’s so sad. We care about our readers, and wouldn’t dream of subjecting you to that. Lisa, […]
Nine Valentine’s Day Date Ideas
Use your Commodore Card to treat your significant other to any of the fine restaurants available to you via Taste of Nashville. Nama is expensive, don’t use REAL money! Picket outside of Zeppos’s office for fairer dining worker wages. Seize the heart of your sweetheart by seizing the means of production. Make some ASMR videos […]