Folks, it’s time someone around here just said what’s on all of our minds. With our futures in the hands of the Vanderbilt Student Government electorate in the coming days, I write to you urgently in a time of life-and-death. I don’t care if you’re Reaching Higher with Nico and Taylor, Let’s Going with Frances […]
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Recent Posts
Alumni Shadows: A Day in the Life of a Vanderbilt Philosophy Alum
Last week in our featured Alumni series, we caught up with a former Vanderbilt finance student who now works as a Wall Street broker, Julian van der Money. This week, we follow Chad Bradwick, a recent philosophy graduate, through a day in his exciting post-grad life. Chad now lives roughly twenty minutes from downtown Chicago. […]
Vanderbilt to Offer New “IndenturaDore” Indentured Servitude Scholarship
Chancellor Zeppos and the Vanderbilt Board of Trustees are proud to announce a brand new full tuition scholarship to be offered to the class of 2023 and beyond! The scholarship is said to be inspired by Cornelius “Fuck Labor Day” Vanderbilt and his robber baron history. Students who receive the scholarship get housing and tuition […]
Featured Org of the Week: WOKE VU
WOKE VU (White Organization that Knows Everything @ Vanderbilt University) Do you care about recent political issues, such as BLM, LGBTQ discrimination, mass incarceration, and violence against women? Are you just a white, cisgender man who’s looking for a place to engage in enlightening conversation? Specifically, are you a brother of ZBT, DTD, or a […]
This isn’t Satire, But Here Are Ten Reasons Why You Should Vote for Bernie
By Charles Kay and Taylor Matalon The foundation of Bernie’s platform is equitably redistributing our country’s immense wealth. Why? Because the top 1% have more money than the bottom 90% and the ten richest families hold 76% of our country’s wealth. Nothing funny here, just historically unprecedented levels of economic inequality and a man trying […]
Harvard of the South? More like Yale of the Super Remote Chicago Suburbs
2019 US News rankings reveal that Duke has usurped Vanderbilt’s top ranking as “The Harvard of the South.” Instead, Vanderbilt has been demoted to a slightly lower ranking: “The Yale of the Super Remote Chicago Suburbs.” The magazine warns readers not to get this confused with Yale University, which was ranked “The Princeton of New […]
Vanderbilt’s Top 9 World Records
With top-ranked financial aid, and America’s Slap-Happiest Students™, Vanderbilt is no slouch when it comes to record-breaking. Here are some of the most impressive records held by our university and its students: Longest Continuous Cry in Front of Esteemed Research Professor 2 hours and 13 minutes, just long enough to take up all of Stephen […]
Features
Featured Org of the Week: WOKE VU
WOKE VU (White Organization that Knows Everything @ Vanderbilt University) Do you care about recent political issues, such as BLM, LGBTQ discrimination, mass incarceration, and violence against women? Are you just a white, cisgender man who’s looking for a place to engage in enlightening conversation? Specifically, are you a brother of ZBT, DTD, or a […]
Vanderbilt’s Top 9 World Records
With top-ranked financial aid, and America’s Slap-Happiest Students™, Vanderbilt is no slouch when it comes to record-breaking. Here are some of the most impressive records held by our university and its students: Longest Continuous Cry in Front of Esteemed Research Professor 2 hours and 13 minutes, just long enough to take up all of Stephen […]
Valentines Around the Loop
For this latest edition of Around the Loop, the Slant Staff interviewed folks about their V-day plans. Sam, 18, virgin — HAHA we’re just fucking with you. We’d never ask a virgin what they’re doing on Valentine’s Day. That’s so sad. We care about our readers, and wouldn’t dream of subjecting you to that. Lisa, […]
Nine Valentine’s Day Date Ideas
Use your Commodore Card to treat your significant other to any of the fine restaurants available to you via Taste of Nashville. Nama is expensive, don’t use REAL money! Picket outside of Zeppos’s office for fairer dining worker wages. Seize the heart of your sweetheart by seizing the means of production. Make some ASMR videos […]
#Tank4Zion
What was supposed to be an exciting and successful year has become one of the ugliest displays of basketball in Vanderbilt history. 11 straight losses, 0-10 in conference play, just 9 wins on the season, one 5 star recruit lost to injury, a different underperforming 5 star recruit, and a partridge in a pear tree. […]
10 Other Pretty Super Bowls
Yesterday was this year’s Season Finale of the NFL, but honestly, there are so many other bowls that deserve recognition. Here’s 10 of them: Justin Bieber’s 2010 Bowl Cut. Remember when you went up to Chad in 6th grade and told his pimple-free skin that he looked like The Biebs? Because I SURE DO. Man, […]