While campus assaults are now as common as squirrels and bad grades, I’m starting to wonder if VUPD actually exists. VUPD is the second largest police force in Tennessee– there are probably more Vandy police officers than there are people passed out near Rahna’s on a Thursday night– but after all these incidents, I just […]
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Most of my articles are awful, thank God this isn’t one of them
I know exactly what you’re thinking: “What the fuck did I do to earn another fucking article from this human wooden dildo (the least practical of all dildos).” And I know that most of my articles are really, really bad, but you guys are in luck because this is not one of those articles. I […]
Ring by Spring: A Guide to Marrying Rich
If you are anything like me, you came to Vanderbilt for a very specific reason. Sure, it’s a top-ranked university with a great premed program and some of the happiest students in the country, but it has something else, too. That’s right, this school has some rich boys. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all […]
Three Trampled in Cyber Monday Stampede
Ogallala, Nebraska: In what the Ogallala Police Department called the worst crime scene ever witnessed, three were killed early Monday morning as Nebraskans everywhere rushed to get the best Cyber Monday deals. People were lined up hours before stores opened, hoping to catch a steal-o’-deal on a Blu-ray DVD Player. Many, however, reported not having […]
Loaves of Bread: The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread
In the past month, hundreds of farm-to-table restaurants have adopted the new trend of serving whole loaves of bread rather than slices. These restaurants intend to challenge the consumer to interact with the loaf, to truly take on the mentality: “Let’s get this bread.” Some restaurants even require that customers finish the entire loaf before […]
Holy Moly, I just robbed my way into 90 dollars
I may be a burglar but I’m no arrogant fool. I know what my capabilities are and if I can burglar my way into $5, $6 a day, I’m one happy boy. So that’s why I knew I hit the jackpot last night. I strapped on my robbing shoes, robbing shirts (I wear four to […]
My boyfriend didn’t know girls had urethras, so I peed on him during sex as a teaching moment
It was a Friday night. My boyfriend and I had just finished a bottle of rosé and an especially stimulating episode of Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, and were feeling snacky (the perfect mixture of hungry and horny). So, naturally, he suggested that he eat me out. “One sec, I gotta pee first,” I said, […]
Features
10 Facts About Vanderbilt that the Tour Guides Don’t Want You to Know
1. There’s a guy inside of Mr. C. It’s true! Inside our beloved mascot is just a dude who controls the body. Presumably he’s a student or someone else affiliated with Vandy. Maybe he’s just some random guy. Who knows? 2. We don’t actually have that many squirrels; it’s just three or four of them […]
Scissors: We will never know how they work, but thank the lord they do
I had a piece of paper. I needed to cut it in two. I know what you’re thinking, civilization simply hasn’t created technology sophisticated enough to handle this problem. Sure, we have virtual reality porn; however, as a society, we have to create our technologies with some priorities. But how in the hell am I […]
How A Vandy Student/Yankee Fan Should Cope With David Price Winning the World Series
I know this article is very niche and won’t pertain to many of you, but I am going to talk to a very small, underrepresented demographic on campus: the New York based Vanderbilt students. These are tough times we’re living in. The Red Sox won the World Series, the city of Boston is having another […]
Top 10 Spoooookiest Halloween Costumes
Well shove a pumpkin up my ass and call me spooky, it’s October! Here are ten Slant-approved costumes to try out this year for the greatest holiday on earth: Halloween! A Sexy Commodore Show your Vandy pride by going as our very own mascot, Mr. Commodore. While his muscular thighs and perfect quiff are no […]
‘Bout Balls – Transcript Released of Sideline Fight at Vandy Football Game
Late in the second quarter of the Vanderbilt-Florida game, a fight erupted after a questionable hit on a Vanderbilt punt return. When tending to the injured player, Vanderbilt head coach Derek Mason and Florida’s Dan Mullen got into a verbal spat that led to players holding them back to avoid escalation. The Slant has received […]
