Written by the anonymous but omnipresent Mold Girl On Monday, the Hustler released a shocking article uncovering cases of mold found in McTyeire and Blakemore that led to health issues for two students. (Don’t worry, though, two people is no big deal – everyone else has just been unknowingly infecting their lungs with thousands of […]
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Bid Day Blow: Sorority Girls Not Excited, Just Coked Up
This Sunday was Vanderbilt’s sorority Bid Day – the day where new sorority women are finally admitted to their forever homes and bused to a party to welcome them home. As always, women are dressed to the nines for their Bid Day theme as they yell and scream when their newest sisters descend from the […]
Older Brother of Sophia Pippen, the Dancing With The Stars Phenom, Commits to Vandy Basketball
Big news for Vanderbilt Basketball as four star recruit Scottie Pippen Jr. announced his commitment to the Commodores. Scottie Pippen Jr. is a 6-foot-1 point guard from California and is best known for being the brother of Sophia Pippen, the Season 1 sensation from ABC’s Dancing With The Stars: Juniors. Sophia and her dancing partner, […]
Report: Girl on Phone Waiting to Start Work Any Day Now
According to anxious watchers, freshman Jane Smith has been typing away on her phone in Sutherland House’s fifth floor common room for six hours and counting. When asked about how long she thought the phone break would last, she replied that she “probably wouldn’t take that long.” “Yeah, all I need to do is start […]
New Class Teaches You It’s OK to be Different as Long as You Agree with Us
Are you a culturally sensitive liberal who longs for more similar-minded students to agree with? Are you that kind of person who really wants to hear what you already believe over and over again? Are you white and feel a bit guilty? Coming to Vanderbilt this spring, “Being Liberal and Also a Dick” (PSCI […]
Why Do White People Hate Gluten? And Black People?
First thing’s first, what the hell is gluten? Right now the only knowledge I have is that gluten is basically the source of all evil — it’s “literally the worst“ and “you could literally die from gluten” but I’m just literally confused on what gluten is. Kourtney Kardashian’s diet, consisting of gluten-free pretzels and non-GMO […]
Officials tighten border security over fears of Mexican banditos, Zorro, chupacabras
According to Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen, recent tightening of border security is a result of “those darn Mexican banditos taking over.” “I mean, have you ever seen a single Western movie? You know how those banditos are,” a Border Patrol spokesman said. “By the time you see their sombreros, they’ll threaten you with […]
Features
10 Facts About Vanderbilt that the Tour Guides Don’t Want You to Know
1. There’s a guy inside of Mr. C. It’s true! Inside our beloved mascot is just a dude who controls the body. Presumably he’s a student or someone else affiliated with Vandy. Maybe he’s just some random guy. Who knows? 2. We don’t actually have that many squirrels; it’s just three or four of them […]
Scissors: We will never know how they work, but thank the lord they do
I had a piece of paper. I needed to cut it in two. I know what you’re thinking, civilization simply hasn’t created technology sophisticated enough to handle this problem. Sure, we have virtual reality porn; however, as a society, we have to create our technologies with some priorities. But how in the hell am I […]
How A Vandy Student/Yankee Fan Should Cope With David Price Winning the World Series
I know this article is very niche and won’t pertain to many of you, but I am going to talk to a very small, underrepresented demographic on campus: the New York based Vanderbilt students. These are tough times we’re living in. The Red Sox won the World Series, the city of Boston is having another […]
Top 10 Spoooookiest Halloween Costumes
Well shove a pumpkin up my ass and call me spooky, it’s October! Here are ten Slant-approved costumes to try out this year for the greatest holiday on earth: Halloween! A Sexy Commodore Show your Vandy pride by going as our very own mascot, Mr. Commodore. While his muscular thighs and perfect quiff are no […]
‘Bout Balls – Transcript Released of Sideline Fight at Vandy Football Game
Late in the second quarter of the Vanderbilt-Florida game, a fight erupted after a questionable hit on a Vanderbilt punt return. When tending to the injured player, Vanderbilt head coach Derek Mason and Florida’s Dan Mullen got into a verbal spat that led to players holding them back to avoid escalation. The Slant has received […]
