Although it might be a bit of a stretch comparing ordering food on the GET app to the Iranian Hostage Crisis… actually i’m not gonna finish that. Anyways, I can’t be the only one having problems with this dumpster baby of an app, so while we wait for IT to abort these issues, I thought […]
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Early Warning Signs of an Impending Mental Breakdown
Ah, spring. It’s that time of the year when the flowers start to bloom, the pollen count starts to rise and Boy Scouts start zipping off their cargo pants into cargo shorts. But as the days get longer, the amount of days you have to raise your grades gets shorter. We’re in the final stretch […]
Make-a-Wish President Fired After Allowing 8-Year-Old Leukemia Patient to Steer Cargo Liner Through Suez Canal
By Turd Ferguson PORT SAID, EGYPT – On March 23rd, the Ever Given ran aground in the Suez Canal, completely blocking one of the world’s most vital trade routes and setting back some supply chains as much as nine months. Critics have placed blame on officials in both the International Trade Administration and the Suez […]
A Comprehensive Guide to the Slant vs. Hustler Beef from a Very Unbiased Source
August 1886: The Slant, Vanderbilt University’s humor and satire publication, was founded by an elite group of students who aimed to bring laughter and social commentary to the student body a mere 13 years after the University’s founding. Named after Cornelius Vanderbilt’s penis, this new organization recruited the brightest and tightest the campus had to […]
The Slant’s New Matchmaking Service: Yeah Ok Sure I Guess
You’ve heard of the shitshow that was Datamatch and Marriage Pact. You’re sick and tired of traditional dating apps and want a real chance at love, based on algorithms, science and logic. The Slant has you covered. Welcome to: Yeah Ok Sure I Guess. Read on to get a taste of the last few questions […]
Rating the Statues on Campus by How Fuckable They Are
7/10 Sleek, sexy but a little bit boring. This statue is nothing exciting, but definitely worth the fuck. The hole in the middle makes things pretty easy, but if you’re willing to put in the effort, you can probably do better. 1/10 NO. Do not even think about it. This is by far the least […]
A Copy Editors Paredise
Thats right love, you made one snarky comment to many. The “look up the definition of ‘ontological’ before you try to use it in an article you dumb idiot” comment on my last Slant piece means war, even if it was a sad nerdy attempt at copy editor humor. No, your the idiot for starting […]
Campus
A Comprehensive Guide to the Slant vs. Hustler Beef from a Very Unbiased Source
August 1886: The Slant, Vanderbilt University’s humor and satire publication, was founded by an elite group of students who aimed to bring laughter and social commentary to the student body a mere 13 years after the University’s founding. Named after Cornelius Vanderbilt’s penis, this new organization recruited the brightest and tightest the campus had to […]
Rating the Statues on Campus by How Fuckable They Are
7/10 Sleek, sexy but a little bit boring. This statue is nothing exciting, but definitely worth the fuck. The hole in the middle makes things pretty easy, but if you’re willing to put in the effort, you can probably do better. 1/10 NO. Do not even think about it. This is by far the least […]
In Honor of Mark Bandas’ Retirement, Here Are Seven Things That Are Raisins
On March 5, Vanderbilt’s most recently announced departure, Provost Susan R. Wente, became the not-so-most recently announced departure. It was announced that Dean of Students Mark Bandas would retire at the end of the academic year. In an email,Wente kindly referred to Bandas as “esteemed Associate Provost” and mentioned his career longevity at Vanderbilt, politely […]
The Slant Purity Test
You’ve heard of the Rice Purity Test, but now take an assessment that reflects the real college experience. Welcome to the Slant Purity Test, the only true assessment of how much Vanderbilt has corrupted your morals. You’ll get a score from 0-100, the higher the better. Share your results, create new social hierarchies based on […]
The Hustler Wins “Blind Eye” Award for Completely Ignoring Doe v. Vanderbilt
The Tennessee Associated Press has awarded The Hustler its highest honor—the Blind Eye Award, granted to the newspaper that most embodies the spirit of ignoring hard news and championing infotainment. The Hustler’s dedication to not reporting on Doe v. Vanderbilt, a lawsuit over Vanderbilt failing to honor its contractual obligations with students by not offering […]
Student Organization Power Rankings
By Zak Stengel and Jack Hollier 5. Students Against the Sun Coming out of a year in which we saw incredible social change, we can’t ignore the fervor and dedication of Students Against the Sun (SATS). If you hate the Sun even in the slightest, you should at least consider joining their weekly protests. In […]