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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Main Content

Top 5 Improvements the GET App Desperately Needs

April 7, 2021 By Ben Dauber

Although it might be a bit of a stretch comparing ordering food on the GET app to the Iranian Hostage Crisis… actually i’m not gonna finish that. Anyways, I can’t be the only one having problems with this dumpster baby of an app, so while we wait for IT to abort these issues, I thought […]

Recent Posts

Early Warning Signs of an Impending Mental Breakdown

April 7, 2021 By Elaine Li

Ah, spring. It’s that time of the year when the flowers start to bloom, the pollen count starts to rise and Boy Scouts start zipping off their cargo pants into cargo shorts. But as the days get longer, the amount of days you have to raise your grades gets shorter. We’re in the final stretch […]

Make-a-Wish President Fired After Allowing 8-Year-Old Leukemia Patient to Steer Cargo Liner Through Suez Canal

April 2, 2021 By Slant Staff

By Turd Ferguson PORT SAID, EGYPT – On March 23rd, the Ever Given ran aground in the Suez Canal, completely blocking one of the world’s most vital trade routes and setting back some supply chains as much as nine months. Critics have placed blame on officials in both the International Trade Administration and the Suez […]

A Comprehensive Guide to the Slant vs. Hustler Beef from a Very Unbiased Source

March 30, 2021 By Madison Hitchcock: Editor-in-Chief

August 1886:  The Slant, Vanderbilt University’s humor and satire publication, was founded by an elite group of students who aimed to bring laughter and social commentary to the student body a mere 13 years after the University’s founding. Named after Cornelius Vanderbilt’s penis, this new organization recruited the brightest and tightest the campus had to […]

The Slant’s New Matchmaking Service: Yeah Ok Sure I Guess

March 30, 2021 By Justine Del Monte

You’ve heard of the shitshow that was Datamatch and Marriage Pact. You’re sick and tired of traditional dating apps and want a real chance at love, based on algorithms, science and logic. The Slant has you covered. Welcome to: Yeah Ok Sure I Guess. Read on to get a taste of the last few questions […]

Rating the Statues on Campus by How Fuckable They Are

March 30, 2021 By Slant Staff

7/10 Sleek, sexy but a little bit boring. This statue is nothing exciting, but definitely worth the fuck. The hole in the middle makes things pretty easy, but if you’re willing to put in the effort, you can probably do better. 1/10 NO. Do not even think about it. This is by far the least […]

A Copy Editors Paredise

March 30, 2021 By Estelle Shaya

Thats right love, you made one snarky comment to many. The “look up the definition of ‘ontological’ before you try to use it in an article you dumb idiot” comment on my last Slant piece means war, even if it was a sad nerdy attempt at copy editor humor. No, your the idiot for starting […]

Campus

A Comprehensive Guide to the Slant vs. Hustler Beef from a Very Unbiased Source

March 30, 2021 By Madison Hitchcock: Editor-in-Chief

August 1886:  The Slant, Vanderbilt University’s humor and satire publication, was founded by an elite group of students who aimed to bring laughter and social commentary to the student body a mere 13 years after the University’s founding. Named after Cornelius Vanderbilt’s penis, this new organization recruited the brightest and tightest the campus had to […]

Rating the Statues on Campus by How Fuckable They Are

March 30, 2021 By Slant Staff

7/10 Sleek, sexy but a little bit boring. This statue is nothing exciting, but definitely worth the fuck. The hole in the middle makes things pretty easy, but if you’re willing to put in the effort, you can probably do better. 1/10 NO. Do not even think about it. This is by far the least […]

In Honor of Mark Bandas’ Retirement, Here Are Seven Things That Are Raisins

March 30, 2021 By Keiji Chan

On March 5, Vanderbilt’s most recently announced departure, Provost Susan R. Wente, became the not-so-most recently announced departure. It was announced that Dean of Students Mark Bandas would retire at the end of the academic year. In an email,Wente kindly referred to Bandas as “esteemed Associate Provost” and mentioned his career longevity at Vanderbilt, politely […]

The Slant Purity Test

March 29, 2021 By Estelle Shaya

You’ve heard of the Rice Purity Test, but now take an assessment that reflects the real college experience. Welcome to the Slant Purity Test, the only true assessment of how much Vanderbilt has corrupted your morals. You’ll get a score from 0-100, the higher the better. Share your results, create new social hierarchies based on […]

The Hustler Wins “Blind Eye” Award for Completely Ignoring Doe v. Vanderbilt

March 24, 2021 By Ben Dohohoe: Editor

The Tennessee Associated Press has awarded The Hustler its highest honor—the Blind Eye Award, granted to the newspaper that most embodies the spirit of ignoring hard news and championing infotainment. The Hustler’s dedication to not reporting on Doe v. Vanderbilt, a lawsuit over Vanderbilt failing to honor its contractual obligations with students by not offering […]

Student Organization Power Rankings

March 23, 2021 By Jack Hollier

By Zak Stengel and Jack Hollier 5. Students Against the Sun Coming out of a year in which we saw incredible social change, we can’t ignore the fervor and dedication of Students Against the Sun (SATS). If you hate the Sun even in the slightest, you should at least consider joining their weekly protests. In […]

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Recent Posts

  • Top 5 Improvements the GET App Desperately Needs
  • Early Warning Signs of an Impending Mental Breakdown
  • Make-a-Wish President Fired After Allowing 8-Year-Old Leukemia Patient to Steer Cargo Liner Through Suez Canal
  • A Comprehensive Guide to the Slant vs. Hustler Beef from a Very Unbiased Source
  • The Slant’s New Matchmaking Service: Yeah Ok Sure I Guess

vanderbiltslant

It’s still 4/20 somewhere. By Sam Sliman It’s still 4/20 somewhere. 

By Sam Sliman
Rumor has it the “eggs” at EBI did him in. By Rumor has it the “eggs” at EBI did him in.

By Madison Hitchcock
We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there.
Shoutout to my professor who told me to “go outs Shoutout to my professor who told me to “go outside and enjoy the nice weather” after assigning an 8 page essay

By Madison Hitchcock and Taylor Lomax
We have received exclusive access to statistics on We have received exclusive access to statistics on the incoming class of 2025. Oh, and 100% want to join The Slant. Obviously.
Visit our website for full article. Link in bio. Visit our website for full article. Link in bio.
Don’t blame us, blame the food chain. Don’t blame us, blame the food chain.
Fiscally conservative, socially... also conservati Fiscally conservative, socially... also conservative?

By Madison Hitchcock and Julia Schmitt
Nothing is fact checked but we know you infographi Nothing is fact checked but we know you infographic fans won’t notice!
Ancestry.com is about to have a field day. By Sam Ancestry.com is about to have a field day.

By Sam Sliman
Now THAT’s what we call a homecoming. By Kyle K Now THAT’s what we call a homecoming.

By Kyle Kowalski
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