In light of recent news, it seems almost certain that soon, everyone, absolutely everyone on the planet Earth, will be revealed to be absolute garbage.
As a longtime citizen of this country and staunch defender of time-honored values, I can get over a lot of the baloney that those young so-called “Millennials” have done in their recent society-destroying years, but now they have gone too far. First they came for manners, and then they eradicated the 9-5 workday, but now, they have the gall to destroy a time-honored tenement of our society: those bastards are killing killing.
Hey! My man! what’s going on? Party looks pretty lit! You, uh, think you could possibly let ya boi in? That would be, just, beyond dope.
In this column, Freshman Ralph Donnelly reflects on recent struggles during his time at Vanderbilt. Donnelly has been followed by an aggravated swarm of yellow jackets for the past nine days.
As a lifelong gun owner and member of the National Rifle Association, I feel it is incumbent upon me, in the aftermath of the worst mass shooting in United States history, to explain my position on guns and why I believe we should not revert to slipshod policies on gun control to address the issue.
