By Hewlett Packin It’s 4PM on a Monday afternoon and you just woke up from your second depression nap of the day, coming fresh out of a nightmare of Daniel Diermeier watching you spit into a bottomless plastic tube. After adjusting back into the warm, comforting smell of piss in...
By Miles Borowsky and Justine Del Monte In 2019, Vanderbilt shocked students and faculty with the announcement of a plan to abolish Carmichael Towers. This was met with immediate support by many who believed that the social climate had progressed past the need for such an institution. One of the...
Welp, somebody fucked up and now all of my friends are in quarantine, which I guess means that for the time being I have to find a way to not be lonely. Thank god some bees just moved into my room. I’ll admit that at first I wasn’t thrilled with...
Vanderbilt University’s research labs have discovered a vaccine for the novel coronavirus strand, potentially signaling the end of the pandemic in America. News media began singing Vanderbilt’s praise and bipartisan support rose, with Mitch McConnell close to passing a “Let’s Not be so Awful Because of Vanderbilt” bill through Congress....
By John Dough The way you wear those pant suits. Your fresh, fashionable haircut. The way you command congress floor like a well-spoken, sexy diablo from the 8th district of California—God, how I wish I was the 8th district of California so you could rule benevolently over me and pass...
