By Turd Ferguson On Monday afternoon, the Dean of the Commons released a memo concerning a new facet of the “virtual roommate” program. In addition to VUcept and regular virtual roommate meetings, Vanderbilt freshmen will now have access to a new Zoom feature – a button on the taskbar that...
Oops, it turns out you drew the short straw in life. That’s right, you’re a woman. First of all, I’m sorry. We women have it rough. As if it wasn’t bad enough that we bleed from our ass cracks monthly, are forced to endure the pain of childbirth, and are...
Welcome back Commies! Are you enjoying the smell of sweat in the air? Did you begrudgingly answer some titanic of an icebreaker? If you’re a freshman, have you lost your virginity to a Republican khaki-wearing short king you just met in the communal kitchen but think you’re in love with?...
By Hewlett Packin It’s 4PM on a Monday afternoon and you just woke up from your second depression nap of the day, coming fresh out of a nightmare of Daniel Diermeier watching you spit into a bottomless plastic tube. After adjusting back into the warm, comforting smell of piss in...
By Miles Borowsky and Justine Del Monte In 2019, Vanderbilt shocked students and faculty with the announcement of a plan to abolish Carmichael Towers. This was met with immediate support by many who believed that the social climate had progressed past the need for such an institution. One of the...
