Throughout our complicated, messy, but valid little lives, we have all had understandable reasons for seeking medical attention. For those of you who were totally popular in high school, it’s getting your stomachs pumped after a legendary night of drinking. For the remaining serfs, its something dumb like kidney stones...
By Turd Ferguson Local couple Josh and Alison, both 31, have become quite the trendsetters among their West Naperville community. After stumbling upon Apple TV original series Ted Lasso, Josh and Alison, who just a few years ago couldn’t get enough of Stranger Things, immediately became hooked on the show’s...
COMMONS BRIDGE — Manifesting, a tried and tested science, once again has failed the speedier students of Vanderbilt University. Hot off the success of the Gillette students imagining better water pressure in their showers moments before disaster and getting more than they asked for, other Vandy students have come face...
BREAKING: Vanderbilt officials have just reported their administration’s bold new step in reducing the reported number of COVID cases. In what many would call a drastic change, Vanderbilt is planning to eliminate the student body. “98% of the rise in COVID cases in recent months has been attributed to the...
In a shocking announcement, Vanderbilt Athletics Director (AD) Buck S. Beatus authorized the transformation of Vanderbilt’s beloved “We’re-so-bad-sponsors-won’t-buy-naming-rights” Stadium into a mass toilet after Saturday night’s debacle. The news was met by a resounding “Vander-who?” from the larger college football-watching world, but sent reverberations through the Vanderbilt athletics community and...
