The Early Signs of Fall, That Suzie’s Hummus and Veggie Wrap Someone Dropped on the Ground and Other Sad Things I Saw This Week
Happy October! The first few days of this fun, funky, flirty, fresh month can signify the start of many things for the average Vanderbilt student—the blooming of colors of the campus trees, pumpkin-spiced everything, the repeated use of yesterday’s hoodie, the opening of the floodgates of the Dance Marathon promotional Instagram stories (or, Dance pyramid scheme, if you indulge), the start of a bout of seasonal affective disorder, the realization that this fall, like every other so far, will probably not be the one where you drop your papers on Alumni Lawn and receive help picking them up from the eventual love of your life and even Fall Break!
For me, fall on campus is best portrayed by the unfortunate sight I encountered last week walking to Stevenson Center—the Suzie’s hummus and veggie wrap dropped on the ground 10 feet away from the café entrance—lonesome, not yet opened and wrapped in a plaid-patterned garment. Millions of questions rushed into my brain upon encountering this sight—who left this wrap out to die? Were they in such a hurry that they couldn’t stop and pick it back up? Did they know about the five second rule? Do I really still believe in the five second rule? How hungry am I, really? Is it worth checking if the ingredients are still fresh? Does hummus even go bad? Hummus is made of chickpeas, which are also called garbanzo beans, so is hummus technically a refried bean dip? Speaking of refried beans, I really wonder how my cholesterol is lately—does anyone know where I can get a cholesterol-only blood test that doesn’t also secretly test for STDs? What’s the deal with that anyway? If I go to the doctor and they send me for labs concerning my spleen, why would they also test me for hepatitis? Do I give off the vibe that I carry hepatitis? Is this a violation of my HIPAA rights?
After processing all these thoughts at the speed of a boosted board on the 21st avenue pedestrian bridge, I felt a breeze over my shoulder and heard a slight whirring noise—my oh my, it was a boosted board rider flying down the sidewalk between Library Lawn and Stevenson Center! This average boosted board enjoyer turned the corner awfully hard, hardly noticing the puddle he was approaching at such a blistering speed. I thought to warn him but was preoccupied by thoughts of a hypothetical scenario in which the wrap on the ground was instead a Grins superfood wrap (more like eight-second rule now, I could even let 10 slide if it’s a generally cleaner area of floor). Speaking of Grins, my fall on campus has felt so incredibly incomplete without the buffalo cauliflower bowl. Oh how I craved the sensation of buffalo sauce, quinoa and cauliflower all hitting my taste buds at once on this fine fall afternoon. Reminiscing on things long gone naturally took my mind to the beloved Susan Wente, former Interim Chancellor and Vice Provost of Academic Affairs. Just like the Grins buffalo cauliflower bowl, Interim Chancellor Wente represented a consistent pick-me-up through my social circle’s constant use of “Susan Be (fill in the blank with any word other than Anthony),” a joyous bit of freshman year comedic relief that the classes of ‘24 and ‘25 will never get to enjoy. Unlike the Buffalo Cauliflower Bowl, however, Wente is not composed of buffalo sauce, quinoa and cauliflower and now possesses a football team with a winning record.
With all these thoughts occupying my head, I realized I barely had any time to observe my surroundings! Right next to me, the boosted boarder slipped, flying directly toward the pavement, Supreme backpack and all. Talk about fall on campus! Haha!