By Connor Pattinson In 2011, Jessica Samakow changed my life. It might seem funny how as a nine-year old, overweight, nerdy little piss goblin I could say a journalist at the Huffington Post changed my life, but maybe you missed the part where I said I was nerdy. You see,...
The Lorax this, the Lorax that. When are we going to talk about Dr. Seus’s greatest, hottest, most beastiality-inducing creation: The Cat In The Hat, a 2003 film and cinematic masterpiece? I’m tired of hearing about how “everybody needs a thneed” — who’s “everybody”? I reject this capitalistic agenda. I...
By Connor Pattinson As a straight-presenting, cisgender, white man, I basically have to take every flimsy shot I can to get ahead in an increasingly DEI focused world. This isn’t your grandpa’s level of diversity where saying “Yeah, well, I mean I had a crush on a Latina woman in...
By Nick Gebo Okay, fine. I admit it. When I need a little extra money, I sometimes — and I swear I don’t do this often — will make GoFundMe campaigns asking people for money to treat medical conditions I don’t actually have. Now before you say anything, people don’t...
By Deniz Orbay “Oh my god, Student. This… this grade! It’s brilliant!” says the Professor-man, mouth agape, ogling my Exam result. “I’ve… I’ve never seen anything like it!” “Oh, it’s nothing,” I say humbly, my blue orbs peering toward the ground out of fake respect to the Professor-man. “You teach...
