Vanderbilt Ends Racism by Getting Rid of Anti-Discrimination Policy
By Penelope O’ Connor
On March 23, 2024, Vanderbilt made an unprecedented decision to remove their anti-discrimination policy. This decision came as a result of the rising levels of political division on campus. Students are piping hot with anger and are protesting through one of the greatest forms of protest known to man: Rand Wall banners. The ongoing conflict between opposing political factions has become too large for the chancellor and his administration to ignore.
In response to the unrest, a week-long series of Open Dialogue events were hosted, and Chancellor Daniel Diermeier felt inspired by the vast opinions shared throughout discussion groups.
“There’s a certain bravery our students possess to spend their afternoons eating steak and lobster with administrators while discussing such complex issues riddling society,” he said.
One first-year, Erika VanLew, mentioned “the powerful commentary” sparked by the butter being shaped like Ukraine and the butter knives like Russia.
A common complaint that arose during the week was the dome of silence that plagued discussions at Vanderbilt.
“At the beginning of each semester, we waste precious class time creating ‘norms’ for discussion,” remarked Chase Bucks, president of Underrepresented Majorities for Liberty. “Empathy? Open-mindedness? Active listening? All just nonsense talking points these Golden Geese-wearing liberals honk out and force everyone to ascribe to. I miss the times of real conversations.”
A poll found that over 85% of conservative students on campus felt cancel culture was the biggest problem students faced at Vanderbilt.
“One time, I mentioned in class that without colonization we wouldn’t have good things like cranberry sauce, smallpox or Taylor Swift, and people got super mad at me,” sophomore Becky Goodhare shared. “I felt so unsafe on campus that I had to leave for break two days earlier!”
Unexpectedly, Vanderbilt decided to listen to white voices and will repeal the school’s anti-discrimination policy by spring break. The Office for Equity, Diversity and Inclusion as well as Equal Opportunity and Access will be shut down and replaced with The Shapiro Institute of Knowledge and Debate.
“Too many students believe in object permanence, but the truth is that when we close our eyes to racism it stops existing,” Diermeier explained in an email sent to students. “Do you know any racist babies? No. So we should model ourselves after them.”
No people of color were consulted while discussing this policy change, but the administration believes that has no bearing on the situation.
“At Vanderbilt, we don’t believe people of color exist,” Provost Katherine K. Klein stated. “Our next steps will be to ban race altogether if our policy works.”
