Vanderbilt’s Hottest New Club Is…: The Top Four Up-and-Coming Places on Campus

  1. UCC  ~after dark~

Are you looking to take your therapy appointments to the next level? Have you felt that maybe if you and your UCC provider just sat down and had a drink that they’d say all that crying was justified? Well, the UCC after dark gives students the opportunity to just let loose and really tell their therapist that they did in fact get back with their ex that dumped them over text. Or that instead of paying off their credit cards they bought another pair of Golden Gooses for their “mental health.” Unlike normal UCC hours, there is a cover fee that is not included with tuition. And expect the line outside the door to maybe take one to two months before you can get in. This quaint, hip, up and coming little sliver of Vanderbilt campus should be your next stop on a night out to Broadway…or after your gen chem exam.

  1. MRB Tunnels

If you’re looking to be instantly teleported into the backrooms and maybe meet some of the Chemistry’s department sexiest professors, cough cough Craig Tainter cough cough, then this is the place for you. The MRB tunnels can give you everything from lost patients of the VUMC to that one security guard who knows you shouldn’t be there but is more focused on beating that Candy Crush level. Oh, and did I forget to mention that you need to break into this club? No Vandy ID cards here. Except for maybe the ones that say you live in Vermont and not your hometown of Memphis, TN. This club offers the same number of random twists and turns as that one econ class you took that was taught by a recent grad student. And damn, can that post-grad do some squats. 

  1. The ΣΑΕ House

One of Vanderbilt’s newest and most exclusive clubs is the ΣΑΕ House that has now been bought by Spirit Halloween. To get students in the doors they’ve started a Wednesday Wine Night, which unsurprisingly also counts as a GME, with bouncers from all your favorite Greek pledge classes. But don’t think that they’ll let just anyone in. You’ll need one and a half Adderall, four girls carrying their new vintage tote bags and a used and abused Elf Bar with about five good hits in it left. After giving the door trolls their desires, you’ll be taken into the lower levels of the house as the temp. Spirit Halloween workers watch from afar while setting up a mannequin dressed as a half naked nurse. From there you’ll get to stare at the composites of the previous classes at ΣΑΕ and wonder, “Wow, how did I end up in the basement of an abandoned frat house on a random Wednesday night close to blacking out on $3 bottles of wine?” And then you’ll just remind yourself that STEM classes got you here and down another bottle of $3 wine. 

  1. The Under Construction Res College #3

This bespoke and clear cut club combines the charm of the Lupton 7 boys’ bathroom with the chaotic energy of an elevator in Highland. Get your groove on as you try and figure out if that ghostly figure in the corner is Daniel Diermier after his oil stocks plummeted or that construction worker that passed away while Rothschild was being built. Either way, Vanderbilt will probably try to cover it up by saying whatever you saw was “perfectly normal” and “within a healthy level of exposure.” But beware, there are engineering students everywhere telling you how they basically learned how to build this building from scratch and the internship they did last summer for some big defense contractor was “just like this.” Don’t forget to top it off by emptying your bladder off the side of the building. 

  • October 27, 2022