Top 10 Slutty Costumes to Make 2022 Your Hottest Halloween Yet
By Kirsten Koehler and Megan McGrath
Halloweekend is just around the corner. Maybe you’ve been organized and already have your sassy-scary-spicy-spooky-shiny-slutty costume planned out. Or maybe you’ve been naughty and pushed it to the last minute. Either way, you’ve decided to consult the Slant, home to Vanderbilt’s hottest and horniest. You’re in good hands! So here’s a list of the sexiest costume ideas that’ll be sure to turn heads at every party.
You’re on the prowl for a hookup on this ghastly night, and you’ve finally nailed down your target. You both make eye contact and well… wouldn’t you want him rock hard anyway?
- Sea monster
Getting someone wet through extended sensual foreplay is overrated. In this costume, all you have to do is flop on top of them and let seawater ooze from your crevices. Bonus points if your costume comes with tentacles. You’ll never hear a girl wishing you had more hands ever again.
C’mon, we all know that D ain’t the only thing getting sucked tonight…Okay, yes, that was low-hanging fruit. But still, vampires are a tried-and-true slutty theme. If you didn’t have your sexual awakening watching Twilight, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the Vampire Diaries, I feel sorry for you. What could be more arousing than the idea of someone piercing your skin with their animal-esque teeth, subjecting you to searing pain and then sucking out your life force? Well, that was supposed to be sarcastic, but… have you met my ex-girlfriend?
Make sure you’ve got the right audience if you really want to get some screams out of this look. We can’t wait to see what happens when you approach careless motorized scooter riders, people who don’t put the toilet seat down and anyone who doesn’t wash their ass, legs or feet in the shower. After all, consistent honesty is sure to make anyone’s panties moist.
- A morel mushroom
Holey moley! As if you needed any more holes, this costume is the best way to advertise exactly what you can provide for that Halloween hookup who sees you as nothing more than… a hole.
- Sexy Sarah Palin
There’s something absolutely feral about people who have repressed their sexuality for a prolonged period of time.
Only the best students eat brains for breakfast. Not only will this prove your status as an academic weapon, but with a costume as sexy as this, you’ll knock ’em dead, slugger. I’ll admit, suggesting this costume might be a tad hypocritical of me. I have always said that what’s dead should stay dead. But I mostly meant the memory of me last Halloween aggressively hammered, singing “I Just Had Sex” by the Lonely Island outside of Branscomb before promptly passing out face-down on the sidewalk.
- Cubed black forest ham
Whether it’s semen or sea men you’re hunting tonight, give ‘em the old razzle dazzle in this costume that’s both sexy and scary. Honestly though, she’s actually scaring me. Do you see her eyes????
- Your favorite professor (but slutty)
Maybe you need a grade boost. Maybe you want to get on your professor’s good side for a… less academic reason. Either way, mimicry is the highest praise, right? Whatever your situation is, this costume will surely go over well. And if not, at least you are what you eat.