Defensive Coordinator Derek Mason Seen Arguing with Head Coach Derek Mason


Following Saturday’s loss to SEC rival Florida, Defensive Coordinator Derek Mason was described as “like, super pissed” at Head Coach Derek Mason. Witnesses claimed Defensive Coordinator Mason used the phrase “overly-miffed” when referring to his feelings toward Head Coach Mason.

Frustration ensued because Defensive Coordinator Mason prepared well for the conference showdown, but Head Coach Mason briefly forgot that Offense and Special teams existed.

The dispute between HC and DC reached its climax when several reporters asked about the controversial decision to not score points ever, but Defensive Coordinator Derek Mason insisted that was Head Coach Mason’s decision.

As the rivalry heightened, bystanders and press members grew increasingly concerned: “At first I thought he was dividing the thought processes to simplify his responses,” said reporter Alan Wills, “but then it got kind of scary. He even said Head Coach Derek Mason and Defensive Coordinator Derek Mason were planning to have a very serious meeting this coming week.”

A Vanderbilt psychology professor weighed in on the situation as well. “Yeah…I’m not really sure what’s going on there,” he said. The press conference concluded with Defensive Coordinator Mason claiming that the university needs to critically review Head Coach Mason’s job security.

Athletic Director David Williams responded to the issue, saying, “I am not too worried about the disagreements between the two Derek Masons. It feels kind of like when the Olsen Twins played Michelle Tanner on Full House. Ah, I really liked that show. I didn’t like Fuller House that much, though. It seems like reviving old shows is good for ratings but bad for artistic integrity. There is a really interesting debate to be had on the creative license afforded to Netflix. I had an idea for a show in college. It was about a dog that could skateboard. Oh, well…what were we talking about again?”

The coaching staff left the press conference torn on which coach they supported. Of the staff members interviewed, three favored Head Coach Mason, three favored Defensive Coordinator Mason, and one had never seen Full House.

  • October 3, 2016