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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

10 Insane Real Classes That You Can Take at Vanderbilt

November 13, 2017 by Slant Staff

10 Insane Real Classes That You Can Take at Vanderbilt

These are ten class entries that we have found in the 2017-2018 Course Handbook.

Look for these next semester!

 

RLST 3748. The Call of Cthulhu: An Exploration of the Elder Gods

Have you ever heard of the secret religion of the Elder Gods, those terrifyingly powerful gods that H.P. Lovecraft dared to describe, such as Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep? The Religious Studies major has added this course for the 2017-2018 fall and spring semesters for anyone interested in learning about and exploring the mythos of the dark beings that are older than the universe and waiting to take over the earth once more.

 

MUSL 2100. Theremin: Space-y Sounds

The theremin…a majestic yet little-known instrument. It has a rich, storied history as the instrument used to make UFO sounds in low-budget sci-fi movies from the mid-20th century and the playing of it has since become a forgotten art. This course seeks to bring back this noble tradition. This course is also offered with a companion course, MUSL 2100W: Sci-Fi Creative Writing with Theremin Accompaniment.

 

BUS 1200. Business Cats

Since the dawn of time, humanity has been enslaved by the beings which we call cats. They have taken over our lives, our hearts, and our Internet. New for this school year, the Undergraduate Business Minor offers students the chance to experience and analyze the impact that cats have had on an important part of our culture; the business world.

 

ECON 3303. The Secret Monopoly Money Economy: Who Runs It and How to Take Advantage

Money talks. Monopoly money screams. With this course, you too can learn of the thriving underground Monopoly money economy. This course includes instruction on how to anticipate market trends, the rarest editions of Monopoly money, and an introduction to investing. Must buy Monopoly set before first class.

 

SPAN 1120. Beginning Spanglish

English is known for its difficulty in learning for non-English speakers, and Spanish is known as one of the easiest. Now relatively accepted as a lingua franca of sorts by both English and Spanish-language learners alike, Spanglish is now twice as confusing to outsiders as the original languages were, combined. Some vocabulary you can learn include parquear (to park), lonche (lunch), and janguear (to hang out).

 

HART 3100. The Art of Memes: 1998-Present

Do you check the internet for the best memes every day? Just want to learn about regional comparisons in meme creation and appreciation? Was this the last elective you found open because you woke up two hours too late to get a spot in the notorious blow-off class Screaming at the Moon?

Fear not, for this class has something for everyone. And that something is memes. Dank memes, normie memes, memes from Facebook, we will study them all and comparatively analyze them in the context of art history.

 

ASTR 4300. Rocket Science: Yeah, It’s Rocket Science

The revised course title of ASTR 4300. Intro to Astrophysics. Now it sounds cool.

Coolness not guaranteed as a result of taking this course.

 

PPS 2200. The Illuminati Is Real: Hidden Conspiracies

The Illuminati is alive and well, and this course is here to help you accustom to a world in increasingly more reptilian control, where celebrities have hidden agendas and assassinations are planned and made out to be suicides. Join this course now, before it’s too late. Tinfoil hats encouraged.

*This class is not sponsored by the lizard people. Please don’t tell them we’re doing this.

 

PHIL 3009. Existentialism: You Were Dead the Whole Time

Are you dead inside? Do you want to learn more about the eventuality of your death? Have you experienced a parallel universe where you were already dead? You both have and have not with this new course in the department of Philosophy. Even if you’re dead, you should consider taking this course.

 

CHEM 1020. Acid: Should You Drink It?

This seems like a simple question at first glance, but when you get to thinking about it, the question becomes more nuanced. There are just so many acids…and so many choices. This course will teach you about both the incredibly dangerous, finger-dissolving acids and the sort-of-maybe-sometimes-dangerous acids. Final involves drinking acids that you identify as safe.

 

PSY 3400W. Screaming at the Moon

Relationships are hard. Everyday anxieties are hard. Getting up in the morning is hard.

The moon understands.

Sometimes you feel like there’s nowhere to turn, that your life is spiraling out of control.

The moon understands.

Ask the moon for answers. The moon knows all.

And yet it refuses to tell you the answers you seek.

This is why we scream at it. It has been tricking us for millennia.

Scream. At. It.

It deserves nothing more.

 

Filed Under: Campus, Uncategorized Tagged With: courses, vanderbilt

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