By Nick Gebo Okay, fine. I admit it. When I need a little extra money, I sometimes — and I swear I don’t do this often — will make GoFundMe campaigns asking people for money to treat medical conditions I don’t actually have. Now before you say anything, people don’t...
By Deniz Orbay “Oh my god, Student. This… this grade! It’s brilliant!” says the Professor-man, mouth agape, ogling my Exam result. “I’ve… I’ve never seen anything like it!” “Oh, it’s nothing,” I say humbly, my blue orbs peering toward the ground out of fake respect to the Professor-man. “You teach...
By Danielle Bernstein I care about the environment. I swear I do! I sometimes recycle and I constantly badger my mom about how all her makeup products were tested on animals. Whenever I see someone litter, I’m sure to give them a really dirty look. I mean, I don’t pick...
By Meghan Halvey Ciao, Bonjour, or whatever the fuck they say in Europe. Get used to it because I won’t be saying anything else for the next couple of months. It’s just so natural! I completely forgot that people even say stuff so awkward sounding like “hey”— it even sounds...
By Jeff Malarky I paid $566,996 to Uncle Sam last year in federal income taxes. I threw in another $95,968 to the dear old governor of New Jersey, $47,438 to my accountant based in Grand Cayman, and $10,000 to my favorite charity, RIM (Raise Income Minimums, which seeks to prevent...
