According to recent reports, Jesus has decided to go Greek after being admitted Early Decision to Vanderbilt University.
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“You were the dude I threw up on at the frat party last weekend. I was the blonde wearing green, and my red Solo cup bounced off your dadbod when I fell off the stage.”
“Becky was the hottest girl in the grade, and everyone knew that she was a shoo-in for Juliet,” Freeman said, explaining his rationale in dulcet tones. “All I had to do was get the part of Romeo, and I was golden!”
“Ah, shit.” Sources report hearing those words leave the window of Brian Shaker’s Chevy Impala on Thursday afternoon.
“There just aren’t enough chairs to go around,” experts reported Tuesday. “Every day, thousands of people try to sit down only to find that there aren’t enough chairs left for them.”
