Happy October! The first few days of this fun, funky, flirty, fresh month can signify the start of many things for the average Vanderbilt student—the blooming of colors of the campus trees, pumpkin-spiced everything, the repeated use of yesterday’s hoodie, the opening of the floodgates of the Dance Marathon promotional...
Campus
In a ground-breaking study from the VU Department of Zeppos Father Figures Studies, researchers have discovered a nearly perfect 1:1 correlation between people who think Vandy Dining is personally victimizing them and people whose dads were stingy with their love. This research sent shockwaves through much of the Vanderbilt student...
Throughout our complicated, messy, but valid little lives, we have all had understandable reasons for seeking medical attention. For those of you who were totally popular in high school, it’s getting your stomachs pumped after a legendary night of drinking. For the remaining serfs, its something dumb like kidney stones...
BREAKING: Vanderbilt officials have just reported their administration’s bold new step in reducing the reported number of COVID cases. In what many would call a drastic change, Vanderbilt is planning to eliminate the student body. “98% of the rise in COVID cases in recent months has been attributed to the...
Maybe you’re wondering why I’m in Memphis donating blood plasma. Or maybe it’s because you saw me literally steal candy from a baby so I could pawn it at the local Cash 4 Gold. Either way, I’ve hit rock bottom on both a financial and ontological level. And it’s all...
