By Hewlett Packin It’s 4PM on a Monday afternoon and you just woke up from your second depression nap of the day, coming fresh out of a nightmare of Daniel Diermeier watching you spit into a bottomless plastic tube. After adjusting back into the warm, comforting smell of piss in...
By John Dough The way you wear those pant suits. Your fresh, fashionable haircut. The way you command congress floor like a well-spoken, sexy diablo from the 8th district of California—God, how I wish I was the 8th district of California so you could rule benevolently over me and pass...
After watching the trash presidential debate hosted by The #fakenews Hustler, The Slant decided out of concern for the Vanderbilt community to ask the hard hitting questions that students want to know. Below you’ll find a full portrait of candidates you didn’t even know existed until they requested to follow...
By Anonymous Dear valued Greens* customer, Having noted your regular presence at our cafe, we write to you to address some behaviors we find concerning. On Monday, January 22nd, you entered our establishment at 8:56 pm. Although both our front and kitchen staff were clearly in the process of trying...
It’s a Friday night, and your friends want to go to a real party. Apparently to them, a BYX party is not a real party. Tired of only being offered La Croixs and Capri Suns, they tell you that there’s a party at Delt. You belligerently agree to go because...
