By Anonymous Dear valued Greens* customer, Having noted your regular presence at our cafe, we write to you to address some behaviors we find concerning. On Monday, January 22nd, you entered our establishment at 8:56 pm. Although both our front and kitchen staff were clearly in the process of trying...
Slant Staff
It’s a Friday night, and your friends want to go to a real party. Apparently to them, a BYX party is not a real party. Tired of only being offered La Croixs and Capri Suns, they tell you that there’s a party at Delt. You belligerently agree to go because...
By Anonymous Recent research by faculty and graduate students from the Vanderbilt Anthropology department indicates that your incredible fashion, taste in music, and your authentic personality set you apart from all of those other girls. After sampling hundreds from the female population at Vanderbilt, the study, which aimed to expose...
By A Student Who Fears Not Getting Good Housing for Publishing This Along with the announcement regarding the new name for Residential College A, Vanderbilt University has announced that future residential colleges will be constructed without functioning HVAC systems. “We’re excited for this change,” said an administrator in the FutureVU...
By John Dough Junior whom I met at the tailgateI thought thy bore resemblance to an angelic being Standing benevolently in an ocean of inebriated socialites And sorority girls who claim they never had a “hoe phase” in high school Thine infinite, empyrean beautyDoth truly make me feel flustered, enamored, and...
