Young Running Back Expecting Breakout Year Due to New “Fast Shoes”


There’s been a lot of buzz in the sports world about a young, up-and-coming football star with feet like lightning.

“Have I shown you my cool, new ‘fast shoes’ yet?” exclaims the fresh faced, round little boy who claims to be an incoming Commodore running back. The effervescent and excitable Jimmy Treadwell can’t help but show off, and with good reason. He claims that he has acquired what will be the next generation of sports footwear. 

“As soon as I opened up the box I could tell how fast these shoes are. They’ve got little springy bubbles in the sole and a superspeed zig-zag grip on the bottom.”

Naturally, it was thought that Treadwell must have some serious connections at Nike or Adidas; however, he vehemently denied these allegations.

“I don’t want to tell you where I got them. I don’t want anyone to have the same shoes as me!” 

After a short pout, Treadwell hinted that his mother may have procured these mercurial moccasins for him. Regardless of the mysterious source, the shoes are obviously very high tech.

“Everytime I step, they flash a red light for my left foot and a blue light for my right. I’ll give my opponents a light show as I blow right past them!”

Despite the clear advantage over his fellow players, Treadwell is currently dead last on the depth chart. So far this is the only confirmed athlete with these miracle cleats; however, there have been recent rumors of a young basketball player with shoes that allow him to jump “super duper high.”

  • April 29, 2016