The Slant has obtained a series of unreleased tweets by President Trump regarding Time magazine’s Person of the Year.
Foster Swartz
Upon his return to his former high school in Tampa, Florida, Vanderbilt first-year Stephen Williams was met with worship, awe, and reverence. Current high school seniors lined up before the now-deity for several miles, each prepared with a bouquet of roses and at least fifteen questions about how to get into Vanderbilt and what college is like.
In light of recent news, it seems almost certain that soon, everyone, absolutely everyone on the planet Earth, will be revealed to be absolute garbage.
As a lifelong gun owner and member of the National Rifle Association, I feel it is incumbent upon me, in the aftermath of the worst mass shooting in United States history, to explain my position on guns and why I believe we should not revert to slipshod policies on gun control to address the issue.
Martin McIntosh knew his roommate, James, had been partying “all day, every day” — he had read James’ latest tweet, proclaiming that he had “totally died after that rager last night XD #hellyeah #fuckinright”. And Martin had hoped that, for once, James was telling the truth.
