While attending the 9/11 memorial service at Ground Zero two Sundays ago, Hillary Clinton fell ill and passed out. The politician notorious for her secrecy initially claimed to be healthy, but following another leak of her emails it came to light that she was trying to be SICK! After reportedly skydiving off a helicopter and landing on a skateboard, she later rode through the New York subway system while drinking Red Bull and chewing Five gum. Additionally, a bystander reported having seen Hillary “shreddin’ dirt and burnin’ rubber” at a motocross event in Central Park, where she finished second.
The elderly Clinton was sweating and overheated from her already active day on the campaign trail when she arrived at the memorial service. When asked about the incident at a press conference, Clinton, who insisted she be called “Hilz,” replied “Pop a molly I’m sweatin’; that memorial service was lit #ripharmabe.” She then dabbed and heelied out of the conference.
New polls following the release of this information show that the campaign’s new strategy to target millennials is working, with Clinton gaining a 5-point jump in the demographic.