BREAKING: Vanderbilt officials have just reported their administration’s bold new step in reducing the reported number of COVID cases. In what many would call a drastic change, Vanderbilt is planning to eliminate the student body. “98% of the rise in COVID cases in recent months has been attributed to the...
In a shocking announcement, Vanderbilt Athletics Director (AD) Buck S. Beatus authorized the transformation of Vanderbilt’s beloved “We’re-so-bad-sponsors-won’t-buy-naming-rights” Stadium into a mass toilet after Saturday night’s debacle. The news was met by a resounding “Vander-who?” from the larger college football-watching world, but sent reverberations through the Vanderbilt athletics community and...
Maybe you’re wondering why I’m in Memphis donating blood plasma. Or maybe it’s because you saw me literally steal candy from a baby so I could pawn it at the local Cash 4 Gold. Either way, I’ve hit rock bottom on both a financial and ontological level. And it’s all...
NASHVILLE, TN – A report released early Tuesday morning claimed that, like many Vanderbilt campus dining locations, Grins Vegetarian Café has been struggling to face the demands of operating at full capacity with limited staffing. Aside from the seismic impact felt by the absence of the aggressively happy, non-stop smile-bearing...
Admit it, you’re broke. Gambling on penny stocks to squeeze any dopamine from the dried-up sponge you call a brain has left you desperate for a quick buck. And sure, selling your Papa John’s gift cards for cash will save you temporarily, but loan sharks are not the biggest fans...
