1) Stop referring to yourself as “The Lone Wolf” and in the third person. Maybe then you’ll get some pussy. 2) Shower. Just once. That’s all we’re asking for. Yes, with soap. Yes, wash your hair and use conditioner. No, don’t pee in there, other people use it you monster. ...
By: Julia Schmitt Taylor Swift released her long-awaited Red (Taylor’s Version) album two months ago, capitalizing on unresolved preadolescent trauma most listeners did not have in the first place. As gaggles of post quarantine and WAP twenty-somethings reconnect with the absolute worst versions of themselves, Vanderbilt senior Jeremy has landed...
By: Connor Pattinson I am a resident of one of the grossest cesspools of bile, filth and degeneracy any of us have ever experienced. No, I don’t mean Nashville, but I do mean Vanderbilt housing (that isn’t Zeppos or Kissam). I am one of the several hundred poor, unfortunate sons...
By: Julia Schmitt Your grandmother, my grandmother and America’s Matt Gaetz agree: you were a hot piece of ass in seventh grade! Thigh gap? Braless? Grossly asleep in a world waterboarded in serpentine patriarchal injustice? Bummer, seems like you really let yourself go by letting your body develop with age. ...
By: Meghan Halvey Looking for a way to make sure you get that job at Exxon once you graduate? Look no further. After over a year of Chancellor Daniel Diermeier ignoring and rejecting the causes of the University’s guerilla group Dores Divest, Diermeier decided to launch Vanderbilt’s “hottest” new club:...
