Hello, child. Yes, I have been waiting in this armchair for you since I noticed you weren’t in bed three hours ago. It is something I must do – a patrol, a ritual – every night; I have done it ever since you came out of my womb. Where have you been?
Op-Ed
Indeed, everyone I speak to should respect my nuanced view that feminism and its subscribers by proxy are moronic and delusional.
Anna Nicole Smith died 3,385 days ago, and my life has been in shambles ever since.
Your fears are well-founded, my cherisher of cannabis; everyone knows that you are high right now.
Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons. Tampons.
