By Alex Tomack Due to the upcoming holiday season and toxic emissions from ExxonMobil rigs outside of Santa’s zoning permits, things are heating up at the North Pole for Saint Nick and the elves. Pollution-driven losses in ice and snow have caused the jolly old fellow’s plants responsible for producing...
By Ruhi Slatel On Tuesday, November 5th, 2024, the American public elected Donald Trump as the 47th President. But more importantly, on Wednesday, November 6th, 2024, the straight women of America banded together to strike. Strike from sex. A sex strike, if you will. The Slant thought this sequence of...
By Sam Belcher Much like Christmas, gender reveal parties and the state of Florida, 9/11 is the latest victim of rampant consumerism. As such, the federal government has embarked on an ambitious plan to roll out a new line of T-shirts, assault rifles and collectors coins in order to commemorate...
By Benedict Ballman NEW YORK, New York (The Slant): With college internships set to begin at the turn of the month, WASPS-in-training are eagerly packing their bags and counting down the days. “Empire City” by Jay-Z has reached a record high number of streams on Spotify this past week as...
By Troy Janhores February marked a big win for Vanderbilt’s graduate students, with Chancellor Daniel Diermeier finally congratulating them on the stipend increases they had been fighting for. As a sign of goodwill, the Chancellor has now offered them an “art project” which he had “been working on for some...
