By now, we’ve all heard that we’ll be returning to campus this fall, but with social distancing restrictions out the wazoo. Perhaps you lost your shit when you learned that you’ll have to schedule your meals a day in advance with only a 15-minute timeframe to pick up dinner, or...
Life
First of all, I need to apologize. Neither of us thought we’d be in this position—but alas, here we are. Here I sit, at home in my queen-size bed with freshly cleaned sheets (thanks mom. God knows the last time I washed my sheets at school), while you’re about to...
The recent campus eviction has left many Vanderbilt students confused. However, the administration is now “asking” students to return to Vanderbilt, as the coronavirus is feeling rather lonely on campus. Its only friends remain at the Wesley apartments where it resides often. Mr. COVID-19 described his March visit as friendly...
Ever since I was little I’ve cared about two things. The first: my loving parents. The second: that rat-fuck who goes by the name Chuck E. Cheese. I remember the moment my life changed forever. I was seven, it was my birthday, and I was spending it at Charles’ humble...
It’s a Friday night, and your friends want to go to a real party. Apparently to them, a BYX party is not a real party. Tired of only being offered La Croixs and Capri Suns, they tell you that there’s a party at Delt. You belligerently agree to go because...
