By Jeff Malarky I paid $566,996 to Uncle Sam last year in federal income taxes. I threw in another $95,968 to the dear old governor of New Jersey, $47,438 to my accountant based in Grand Cayman, and $10,000 to my favorite charity, RIM (Raise Income Minimums, which seeks to prevent...
By Slant Staff Look, tornadoes are no joke and neither is this protocol. We all know the warning signs for a tornado (I actually did not and had to google them), but if you hear a noise that sounds like a freight train over the sound of your sex playlist,...
ConcernedAboutCock It’s 7:37 PM on a Saturday night. I have no plans other than walking to the Commons Munchie Mart and buying myself a strawberry banana smoothie that I 140 percent believe has the same ingredients as the ones at McDonald’s. As I embark on my travels, I cast a...
By Fluke Baller The art of the Friendzone is a delicate one. You may find yourself balancing an immense hatred for her boyfriend with all the unrequited pining one can muster, all while keeping your feelings hidden at all costs. It’s a dangerous game. Only the strongest and worthiest among...
By Jeff Malarky 10) The Second Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Graven Image For starters, holy shit is this hard to understand. Did they not have Grammarly back then? So this one basically forbids making shrines and praying to them. This just feels a bit outdated to...
