No, Lee Is Not a Good Name for a Hurricane. Here Are Some Better Ones


By Nathaniel Tropical-Storm

It’s that time of the year again: hurricane season. While the South and the East Coast panic at the possibility of yet another natural disaster, the West Coast sits back and sips kombucha along fault lines. But better yet, that means we’re greeted with a fresh new batch of hurricanes toting around the names of middle-aged parents that actively use AOL as their browser’s homepage. 

While hurricane season has always seemed like proof of God’s sense of humor, this year the problem seems to have compounded with the World Meteorological Organization’s (WMO) decision to come up with some of the most decrepit names for storms that I have ever heard. Just to name a few, this season has brought forth storms Arlene, Don, Franklin, Harold and, of course, Hurricane Lee. So, seeing as we still have some time left before hurricane season ends, here are some suggestions for this year’s storms.

  1. House Destroyer V5

Transparency is important in any industry and it’s best that victims know exactly what it is they should expect. Let there be no confusion on what this storm’s intentions are. People need to know that a Hurricane is coming to destroy their house, not invite them to the neighborhood potluck.

  1. Ron DeSantis’ 2024 President Run

A name like this would surely strike fear into the hearts of people all across the country. This would be a great name for a hurricane that makes an impact in Florida but then loses steam as it heads for the rest of the country.

  1. Critical Race Theory

The problem is the WMO just doesn’t know their audience. Evacuation is always a priority when it comes to protecting citizens from natural disasters; evacuation saves lives. A name like this would be sure to send southerners running in fear of their heritage being misunderstood as hate.

  1. Ben

Come on now. Everyone knows a Ben.

  1. Morgan Freeman

It’s simple really. Given the recent Florida travel advisory for African Americans issued by the NAACP, giving a hurricane such a recognizably Black name would force the hurricane to abide by the warning and avoid Florida all together, potentially saving countless lives.

Having your everything destroyed by a hurricane and then having to deal with the fact that it has a name straight out of a nursing home has to be one of the biggest double whammies of modern life. If people are going to be victims of a natural disaster, at least have the storms be named something practical or at the very least cool. Frankly a name like Lee just isn’t cutting it. Wouldn’t it be so much better to have your livelihood decimated by a hurricane with a good name like one of these?

  • November 1, 2023