Slant Staff

According to anxious watchers, freshman Jane Smith has been typing away on her phone in Sutherland House’s fifth floor common room for six hours and counting. When asked about how long she thought the phone break would last, she replied that she “probably wouldn’t take that long.” “Yeah, all I...

More
  • January 15, 2019

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and if you’re white and from the South like me, that means two things: sweet potatoes and skinheads. Mmhhmmm. Let’s get cookin!!! To be perfectly honest, I love the South: There’s nothing better than good ol’ Southern cooking. Biscuits, stuffing… with a spread this...

More
  • November 16, 2018

In a long-anticipated gesture, comedians and satirists around the country are signing a letter addressed to President Donald Trump to express their undying gratitude for his contributions to the state of humor in the United States. A coalition of humorists will formally present the framed array of signatures to the...

More
  • November 6, 2018

For years the FDA has advised caution towards trick-or-treaters due to the possibility of razor blades hidden in unwrapped candy; however, this year they shockingly released the stipulation that one in every five pieces of halloween candy will indeed be a loaded gun. Upon releasing this announcement, parents across the...

More
  • October 30, 2018