The Vanderbilt Biological Sciences Department recently announced that one of their students, junior Gimli Turner, has cured cancer. Doctors around the world are applauding Turner’s tireless efforts toward curing this enigmatic, tenacious disease—a true medical miracle. His roommate, Dory Wimmer Jr., says the idea simply happened upon Turner one night...
Halloweekend is just around the corner. Maybe you’ve been organized and already have your sassy-scary-spicy-spooky-shiny-slutty costume planned out. Or maybe you’ve been naughty and pushed it to the last minute. Either way, you’ve decided to consult the Slant, home to Vanderbilt’s hottest and horniest. You’re in good hands! So here’s...
By Fluke Baller Sad processions of CHEM 1601 students have been a common sight at Vanderbilt for years. But in recent weeks they’ve been seen around campus with a spring in their step, life in their eyes and anal beads up their ass. Spurred by the “worst fucking midterm I’ve...
By Sammie Roe Hey babie girl, It’s Sammie! Your bestie festie roomie. I just wanted to let you know why I left your party early. I had an essay due that night at 11:59 PM and I completely forgot about it until we were taking shots of Jack Daniels, and...
If they were a true friend they would understand that when you make a commitment, you stand by it. Yeah sure, the shirt started as a satiric play on the frat guys who wear it seriously even though they have most certainly never seen a breast in their life. But...
