Connor Pattinson

By Connor Pattison 1984, To Kill A Mockingbird, Catcher in the Rye, Brave New World, The Great Gatsby, Fahrenheit 451, what do these filets of dead trees with useless ink splotches have in common? These pieces of “classic literature”  are testaments to the literary accomplishments of a bunch of cynical,...

  • November 1, 2022

West Orange Pavilion Mall Security Officer Paul Blart has been placed on paid suspension following his actions at the outlet’s Build-A-Bear Workshop.  On Friday, September 30, 2022, Blart made his rounds near the Auntie Anne’s Pretzels for the fourth time when he noticed “suspicious characters” approaching the beloved stuffed animal...

  • October 4, 2022

1) Stop referring to yourself as “The Lone Wolf” and in the third person. Maybe then you’ll get some pussy. 2) Shower. Just once. That’s all we’re asking for. Yes, with soap. Yes, wash your hair and use conditioner. No, don’t pee in there, other people use it you monster. ...

  • February 14, 2022