Christian Student Gives Up God for Lent

Vanderbilt student and devoted Christian, Micah Smith, reports that he is giving up God for Lent this year. Lent is a six week period, this year beginning on February 14th and ending March 29th. According to Wikipedia, “the purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer through prayer, doing penance, mortifying the flesh, repentance of sins, almsgiving, and self-denial.” After much prayer and acknowledgement that his flesh could use a healthy dose of mortification, Micah decided to hone in on the “self denial” portion of his Lent objective. “God is my crutch,” admits Smith; “In order to find God, I must give up God.”

To help get him through his withdrawals for evangelizing fellow students, Smith reports that he has decided to “take up atheist hobbies, like premarital sex and associating with the gays.” In fact, Smith compiled an entire Lent bucket list so that he can keep himself accountable for maximum soul purification. His list includes attending an idol-whittling workshop, smoking cigarettes, watching porn, worshipping Satan, coveting his neighbor’s wife, and watching porn with his cigarette-smoking neighbor’s wife during a Sunday morning session of Satan worship. Smith has also pledged to stop using American dollars, which have the words “In God We Trust” written at the bottom. When asked how he will pay for things, Smith explained that he could probably get by exchanging goods and or services, “like back in the old days”. Micah’s roomates have even made a God Jar, so that Micah has to pay $10 every time someone sneezes and he accidentally says “God Bless You.” Granted, the jar is simply metaphorical since Smith has protested the use of real currency, so all God Jar transactions will take place via bitcoin.

While Micah’s Lent plans may shock others in the Christian community and have even earned him the nickname “Judas” among certain circles, Micah expresses confidence that his six week journey rejecting The Big Man Upstairs will only bring him closer to heaven. Next year he’s considering giving up Lent for Lent, but wondering if his neighbor’s wife would approve.