Trump Taps Your “Old-Fashioned” Grandpa for Presidential Cabinet

Just weeks after his victory, President-elect Trump has started to assemble the Cabinet that will advise him on policy for the next four years. Current prospective members include Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, and, most notably, your grandfather (the cranky one).

Sources close to your grandfather report that this is a positive development for him, given that he’s been looking for a way to spend his time ever since he retired, and the “N-word” became socially unacceptable. Your grandmother has also expressed happiness in reaction to this announcement. Now, your grandfather will no longer say all those things about the “goons” and the “thugs” to her at the dinner table like she hates — he’ll have an attentive audience for his comments in the leader of the most powerful nation on Earth.

The Slant visited the home of your grandfather to learn more about what he plans to bring to the Trump administration, but we were unable to completely hear his response to our question as Fox News broadcast blared on the TV. As far as we were able to make out, he expressed a desire to make America “right” again, which seems positive, if a bit vague. Fortunately, The Slant was able to catch up with your grandmother to get a better idea of your grandfather’s agenda.

“Well, Lester’s always been pretty vocal about his love for the ‘good ol’ days,’ and he’s excited to have a chance to help President Trump bring ‘em back. He really just wants all Americans to prosper — well, all of ‘em except ‘those people,’ as he says.” (her emphasis, not ours).

Your grandfather will join a cabinet composed of the most qualified old, rich, straight, white men America has to offer, and also Sarah Palin.