Cold Mother to Release New App


Warm Springs, Georgia – At 2:08 p.m. on Tuesday, May 17, mother Cathy Miller posted on Facebook promoting the release of her new app, designed to predict the temperature indoors during the summer. Aptly named the “Indoor Weather App,” it targets a demographic of menopausal mothers who consistently cannot decide whether to dress for the heat of summer or the frigidity of air conditioning. Her pitch? An appeal to the sensibilities of sweater-toting mothers.

“I am so tired of carrying a sweater with me everywhere, but when I leave it at home, thinking it’s hot outside, I freeze as soon as I set foot in the grocery store!!!” the mother of three posted, along with the Facebook feeling “frustrated.” In the comments section of the post, Miller and a friend, who wished to remain anonymous for this article, discussed how inconvenient their sweater-toting lifestyle was. It was then that Miller announced plans for her new app which tells the user the weather of any building the user may be going into, whether grocery store, doctor’s office, or shopping mall.

After a thorough review of Miller’s LinkedIn profile, we have seen no mention of computer science or coding abilities, but mothers everywhere are already hoping that the app will soon go live. Warm Springs’ Mothers’ Book Club President Deb Williams praised the app, saying, “My purse is always overloaded! I carry a sweater at all times, an extra scarf and socks, sunglasses, long underwear, a winter hat, and mittens! Hopefully with this app I’ll be able to leave the extra sweater at home!”

A neighborhood father, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “The guys and I have started going to church again just to pray that this app becomes a reality. Our wives’ purses always end up being 50 pounds; it’s like having a small child that can’t walk” According to the source, the neighborhood men have been discussing a plan of action for some time now, but were too scared to broach the topic with their clothes-toting wives. Their hope is that the app will dissipate the need for collective action on their part.

The Slant has reached out to Cathy Miller for a comment on the app and its release date.

  • May 26, 2016