Horoscope for 4/20

Aries: Get stoned as fuck and dig through the trash for an hour. There’s gotta be something good there.

Taurus: Get stoned as fuck and find the longest stick in the woods. Venus is currently in your fifth house of discovery, so you’ll probably find a bag of weed at some point, too.

Gemini: Get stoned as fuck. Look at the top of this page, look at the bottom left corner, now turn it over and look in the middle. Now refresh it. There’s nothing there. Just like your future.

Cancer: Get stoned as fuck. Put peanut butter in your hair, grab two pieces of toast, and put them on either side of your head. Now you’re an idiot sandwich. But at least you’re toasted.

Leo: Get stoned as fuck and shoot a hit TV show. Call it “I got stoned as fuck and made a hit TV show and now I’m a billionaire.”

Virgo: Get stoned as fuck and lick a prospie’s face. Mercury is being a real fuccboi today.

Libra: Get stoned as fuck and drain your Commodore Cash on VUPrint to print out copies of a pic you scanned of your butt. Saturn is moving into your house of anatomy, which means you’re feeling slimthicc and you need to share.

Scorpio: Get stoned as fuck and shower without water. Neptune is out of alignment, and you may drown. Don’t forget your scuba mask.

Sagittarius: Get stoned as fuck and give yourself a standing ovation. You deserve it.

Capricorn: Get stoned as fuck and roll one of the white tents into the biggest joint ever. Don’t be stingy when you pass the J.

Aquarius: Get stoned as fuck and watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh5LY4Mz15o.

Pisces: Get stoned as fuck because it might be the last time you’ll ever be able to #NorthKorea.