By John Dough Junior whom I met at the tailgateI thought thy bore resemblance to an angelic being Standing benevolently in an ocean of inebriated socialites And sorority girls who claim they never had a “hoe phase” in high school Thine infinite, empyrean beautyDoth truly make me feel flustered, enamored, and...
Campus
An unnamed Lupton 3 resident has recently tested positive for the Black Plague, campus officials released in a shocking statement on Monday. The student in question is currently admitted in VUMC, undergoing rigorous bloodletting treatments and daily urine baths. No word has been released as to the effectiveness of the...
By Anonymous “So next, you’ll get a chance to read through the charges and you can decide if you agree or disagree with them.” The Assistant Director of the Office of Student Accountability sat across from me, slowly turning the computer screen so I could see. Two charges blazed before...
Homecoming weekend finally happened, the spontaneous two day shit-show that every Vanderbilt student looks forward to as the TIME to get laid. Winter jackets, chapped lips (or herpes), and that weird freshman who claims his legs don’t get cold—they’re all in full swing. Vanderbilt homecoming is a tradition which has...
Every year, the career fair comes around, and every year, a sizable portion of students wear goddamn suits—suits!—making the rest of look bad just for wearing normal clothes: Cookie Monster snapbacks, Reagan-Bush ‘84 t-shirts, wheatgrass Birkenstocks, what have you. Nobody’s gonna say it? Really? Fine, I will: it won’t make...
