Ok, you filthy animals. I see you lining outside Trader Joe’s, feverishly trying to claw your way through the red, automatic doors like it’s the last Happy Honda Days sales event. Your favorite limited-time winter groceries are about to hit the shelves, but in between rabid gulps of peppermint non-dairy...
Sorry I’ve been missing for so long. My Snapchat is a ghost town. My Facebook, empty. I even have yet to post a Receiptify of my mediocre song selections. All because there’s no damn cell reception in this brick-laid mausoleum. I’ve made 540 attempts to crack the wifi passcode. There...
Kids these days. They don’t remember the troubling times of the lawless, anarchic 2000s where anything went. Y2K embedded a youthful nonchalance in newly-wed couples to give their children anything plastic into which they could sink their teeth. Asbestos was out, but microplastics were IN. Late-night TV ads offered a...
Hey you! Yeah, the guy that likes to stand in the corner at parties and scroll through his weather app in an effort to avoid conversation. The guy who lies in bed thinking about that one time in 7th grade at a party when everyone was doing funny celebrity impressions...
By: Kyle Kowalski I don’t have high expectations for the month of April. It means final exams, confusing weather, and waiting yet another month for my parents to finally let me play in the backyard and drink from the watering hose. Do they expect me to live on my own...
