Vanderbilt Campus Dining Reviews Part 3

Rocket Subs (Morgan and Towers): This is where dreams go to die. Actually, eating here reminds me that I never had any hopes or dreams in the first place. The best way I can describe this place is that it’s a slightly worse version of Subway: The bread is slightly more stale. The people are slightly more depressed. Hell, it even turned into a fledgling chain restaurant when the Morgan location opened in fall 2015. Seeing as Subway is ass, this comparison should be taken as a direct and unequivocal insult.

You may be thinking, “how can a sandwich place possibly be that bad?” To be fair, the food really isn’t that bad. The biggest problem with Rocket Subs, rather, is the implication. I’ll bet every one of your experiences at Rocket Subs went down something like this: you woke up hungover as hell on a Sunday afternoon and, rather than starting homework or exercising, instead decided to wander half-asleep into the cavernous basement of Towers. Once there, you get to watch your mediocre sandwich slowly slide along a conveyor belt until it’s zapped by the same heat lamps that gas stations use to keep their hot dogs warm. You then hide your disappointment when the lady says they’re out of chili for the 4th time this week, even though it’s not good chili and you didn’t really want it anyway. After checking out, you then shuffle back to your room, eat your mediocre lunch, and then fall asleep for another three hours. Need I remind you that your parents pay $60,000 a year for you to do this?

Needless to say, I’ve been to Rocket Subs probably 100 times and have no intention of stopping. I’m beyond salvation at this point, but it’s not too late for you. Don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made, and please go somewhere else.