New Study Shows Everyone Else Had a Better Summer Than You

As the beginning of the new semester draws near, a new study shows that literally everyone else had a better summer than you. Scientists have proven that without a doubt, your summer break was statistically worse than every single one of your classmates.

While this theory has been widely accepted for many years, this revolutionary study finally verifies that, yes: when your English professor asks everyone to share what they did this summer on the first day of class, your response will be much, much worse compared to everyone else’s. Further examination showed that during the required back to school small talk conversations you will have with all your friends, the crippling feeling of depression you have when you realize your summer was wasted compared to everyone else’s is fully justified.  

Researchers scoured social media to demonstrate that your FOMO was entirely reasonable. Data from Instagram and Snapchat proved the most conclusive, with 92 percent of your friends posting destination vacation pictures of places cooler than you have ever been, and 80 percent posting updates on internships that are better than you will ever hope to achieve.

The study also determined that the recent rise in service trips to exotic locations combines the joys of traveling abroad with the self-congratulatory feeling of helping people in need, and thereby serves to decrease your own feelings of self-worth. Between the ever-increasing voluntourism and your friends’ continued participation in Maymesters that you could never afford, you are statistically more and more likely to observe your friends’ exciting exploits via Facebook while you lay on your crappy futon at home, eating leftover Chipotle.

The researchers intend to continue looking into this field of study, and are also planning to conduct a follow up study to determine whether or not everyone else is going to be happier and more successful than you.