Every wondered what goes on at the Blair School of Music? Well, The Slant‘s got you covered: One freshmen told us about his normal Friday schedule as a music major.

7:30: Wake up time! Usually I wake up at 6:30 for morning rituals, but today Dean Wait allows us to wake up an hour later!

8:10-9:00: After brushing my teeth, I go to Blair for my morning gruel ration. It’s an acquired taste, but it tastes like salty oatmeal if you don’t use your tongue!

9:10-10:00: Musicianship! Today, we’re performing rhythms in class. The best performer gets an extra gruel ration, but the worst performer is locked in Dean Wait’s “basement!” It’s a little harsh (don’t tell Dean Wait I said that), but it keeps us motivated.

10:10-11:00: We used to have Musicology, but then the professor was “disappeared” for speaking ill of Dean Wait. Now, we get extra practice time to rehearse Book of Wait readings.

12:10-1:00: Friday Recitals: Here, Music Majors listen to one another perform for the pleasure of Dean Wait (Blessed Is His Name). After recitals, we sacrifice a virgin music minor; some of the underclassmen put up a fight, but most of the upperclassmen know to Give In.

1:10-2:00: Lunch time! After the recital, all the Wait people march in a single file line to the long table in Dean Wait’s room. Lunch is always exciting, whether it be gruel, gruel with squirrel (locally sourced from outside Commons) or gruel with music minor blood! On holidays, Dean Wait graciously gives us salt licks too; what a treat!

2:10-8:10: All students are locked in practice cells. Anyone caught procrastinating loses gruel privileges for a week. Repeat offenders are taken to Dean Wait’s “basement” aka Room 101 aka the “Waiting Room”, where Dean Wait “Blairifies” them. While we usually don’t get dinner, Dean Wait gives us soul-replenishing salty gruel to lick off our instrument cases.

8:30: After our practice cells are unlocked, Dean Wait lets us return to our dorms to sleep. Some people go out and party, but Dean Wait says that anyone caught drinking will spend a night in the Waiting Room! Then, it’s back to the grindstone for another 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It’s a lot of work, but it’ll all be worth it when the Blapture in the Book of Wait comes true.

Hail Blair, and may Wait have mercy on your soul!